Question

雅思小作文求打分修改 手写然后打上来的，请忽略大小写 谢谢 the line graph

雅思小作文求打分修改 手写然后打上来的，请忽略大小写 谢谢
the line graph describes that the rate of population age 65 and over from 1940 to 2 40 in three different cointries.
In 1940,the proportion of population aged 65 and over was pretty small.japan only got 5%,which was the smallest .however,the usa had the largest rate in that time(9%),and swenden got 7%.in the coming 100 year ,rate in three different countries grows quickly .swenden got the first place in about 1995 but japan is going to become the highest in about 2030.
As the line graph predicts ,japan is going to reach about 27%,and then is swenden which is 26%.the usa,however ,will become the lowest in these three countries (23%).
Almost every country has higher proportion of elder people than before and it's not going to stop in 2 or 3 decades especially in japan ,which should pay lots of attention to this situation from their government.

Answer 1

直接把觉得应该改的地方告诉你，还是给你一篇改完的

追问

麻烦大神修改下吧

追答

改一半我发现没法改。结构和表达太乱了，我给你个思路你重新写怎么样，写完我再给你改。

追问

谢谢！

Answer 2

亲，你发到亦鸥上吧，我们都在那里改的，这里人太少了。