雅思作文求批改~~多谢！
题目：Moreandmoreadultsandchildrenchoosetoworkorstudyathomebecausecomputersaremuchcheape...
题目：More and more adults and children choose to work or study at home because computers are much cheaper nowadays. Is it a positive or negative trend and what’s your opinion?
想问这类题目，是否需要分别写adults 和 children ，以及adults 和 children 。如果要全写到的话，篇幅会过长，而不全写到的话，则可能不够全面。求解。
以下是文章，请指教。
Contemporarily, home-base, acting as one of the benefits that the employer would offer to attract the talents, is attractive. Moreover, some parents begin to choose the distance learning for their children at home due to lower cost. In my view, such phenomenon has both advantages and disadvantages, and the former outweighs the latter to some extent for working but not for studying.
It is the female, who has child, with no doubt, who can benefit from the home-base policy the most, as they do need to take care of their children at home during daytime. Besides, such policy can be embraced by other employees as well, as along as who wants some degree of freedom. Furthermore, some employees believe that it’s more efficient to work at home, especially when they need to write or ponder over something in a quiet place without constant disturbance. In metropolitans, working at home can save much time out of traffic jam as well. Economically, home base policy, saving cost of office facility and transportation, can be accepted by employers as well.
Inevitablly, there are some drawbacks of working at home as well: initially, most employers are concerned that there isn’t very effective mechanism yet to control the adherence, and only a few kinds of work, say, higher level, with some degree of independence, can be done at home, entitled by very limited amount of people. Some employees, however, are not in favor of working at home as well, because they want the atmosphere of working and they need team work or interactions with people often.
Compared with working at home, studying at home has nothing positive but the cost saving, which can only be applied for children who live far away from the school.
In summary, working at home, given its more positive effects over negative ones, can be embraced by most employees, and supported by some employers to limited circumstances. However, not like work, studying at home is not reasonable for majority of students.
想问这类题目，是否需要分别写adults 和 children ，以及work 和 study 。如果要全写到的话，篇幅会过长，而不全写到的话，则可能不够全面。求解。 展开
想问这类题目，是否需要分别写adults 和 children ，以及adults 和 children 。如果要全写到的话，篇幅会过长，而不全写到的话，则可能不够全面。求解。
以下是文章，请指教。
Contemporarily, home-base, acting as one of the benefits that the employer would offer to attract the talents, is attractive. Moreover, some parents begin to choose the distance learning for their children at home due to lower cost. In my view, such phenomenon has both advantages and disadvantages, and the former outweighs the latter to some extent for working but not for studying.
It is the female, who has child, with no doubt, who can benefit from the home-base policy the most, as they do need to take care of their children at home during daytime. Besides, such policy can be embraced by other employees as well, as along as who wants some degree of freedom. Furthermore, some employees believe that it’s more efficient to work at home, especially when they need to write or ponder over something in a quiet place without constant disturbance. In metropolitans, working at home can save much time out of traffic jam as well. Economically, home base policy, saving cost of office facility and transportation, can be accepted by employers as well.
Inevitablly, there are some drawbacks of working at home as well: initially, most employers are concerned that there isn’t very effective mechanism yet to control the adherence, and only a few kinds of work, say, higher level, with some degree of independence, can be done at home, entitled by very limited amount of people. Some employees, however, are not in favor of working at home as well, because they want the atmosphere of working and they need team work or interactions with people often.
Compared with working at home, studying at home has nothing positive but the cost saving, which can only be applied for children who live far away from the school.
In summary, working at home, given its more positive effects over negative ones, can be embraced by most employees, and supported by some employers to limited circumstances. However, not like work, studying at home is not reasonable for majority of students.
想问这类题目，是否需要分别写adults 和 children ，以及work 和 study 。如果要全写到的话，篇幅会过长，而不全写到的话，则可能不够全面。求解。 展开
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首先，这篇作文要求讨论的是这个trend的利弊，而不是adults 和students。所以建议采用四段折中式，第一段转述题目，介绍背景，也可阐述自己所支持的是positive还是negative；第二段写论证段，自己比较倾向的一种，第三段写驳论，先写自己不支持的一种观点，然后反驳，然后支持第二段；结尾段总结这个trend应该怎么看待，提出自己的建议，例如应该控制好在家学习的时间，将在家工作和face-to-face work结合。
moreover，这道题是典型的argumentation 分析利弊的题型，不是写成人和孩子的。
overall，your essay is far away from the topic.
moreover，这道题是典型的argumentation 分析利弊的题型，不是写成人和孩子的。
overall，your essay is far away from the topic.
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