Question

（托福）想请大侠帮忙修改下托福作文，快考试了，呜呜，感激涕零！！~~~

快考试了，很紧张啊~~~第一次写作文，好像是TPO22吧，想请大侠们看看有什么不妥的地方，十分感激！！

DO you agree。。。。：为了成功，To relate well to people is more important than to study hard in school..

In the modern world people are more likely to do a job which fits their own interests well and are easier to succeed in one field to which they apply themselves than in the past, for a lot of complete systems or policies have been established throughout the world, whatever in economy or politics. Under this condition, it seems simple enough for anyone to make a goal in his own life in order to pursue so-called happiness: to succeed in his job.

When it comes to the question that how to make this goal, there seems to be two major methods waiting for you to select: To improve the ability to relate well to people or to study hard in school? Frankly speaking, I inclined to select the latter.

Perhaps there are many people there arguing that the ability to relate well to others is more important because human beings are social animals. It is true that everyone lives in a social community, which, is like a big net that links each other. When you go shopping, you need a shopkeeper. When you go boating, you need some friends, and when you go to school, a teacher is necessary. In short, everyone is unable to live without others.

Admittedly, the advantages of the ability may help you deal with the relationship with others, but, it does not mean success. In this knowledge explosion age, only by studying hard can you get real, useful knowledge into your mind, which is a feasible road leading to success. If Jobs did not master the computer well, he would not master Apple well.

Furthermore, in view of the fact that many people may recall the period when they just picked their bags and then went to school as soon as they hear the word “study”, it seems necessary for me to clarify and extend the concept of this word. The old saying “Never too old to learn” illustrates the importance of studying well. As you can see, studying is a long process for anyone and it is not limited in a small circle. In fact, it involves many things which you never expected before including how to ride a bicycle, how to watch television, how to make girlfriends, and , certainly, how to relate well to people around you.

In short, relating well to people around you may render you easier to approach success in a way, nevertheless I still strongly believe in that studying hard is your best choice to choose since it can help you get practical knowledge and ,since relating well to people is just a part of the knowledge for you to study.

Answer 1

用易改的全文统计，纠错功能分析下吧，会有帮助的。免费的

Answer 2

十分正经加无语的告诉你，我不会，我是个英语文盲