Question

幽默英语小短文60词左右，带翻译.

Answer 1

The doctor lives downstairs
　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
　　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
　　 医生住在楼下
　　“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
　　“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
　　他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”

Only cash and credit cards
　　　 When a man called a motel and asked how much they charged for
　　a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and number of people.
　　　 " Do you take children?" the man asked.
　　　 "No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."
　　 只算现金和信用卡
　　　 一个人打电话给一家汽车旅馆询问房租，旅馆的工作人员回答说 房租的多少取决于房间的大小和住客的人数。
　　　 “小孩儿算不算呢？”那人问道。
　　　 “不算，先生。”服务员回答，“我们只算现金和信用卡。”

Answer 2

The World's Greatest Swordsman

At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.

His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.

"Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!"

"Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."

世界上最伟大的击剑手

在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。观众欢呼起来。紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。

他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来－－然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标，然而他还在微笑着。

“你为什么这么高兴？”有人嚷道，“你没击中!”

“啊，”剑手答道，“你刚才没有很仔细地看。苍蝇还活着，是的－－但他永远也做不成爸爸了。”