Question

雅思作文修改

Topic: some people say the government should not put money in the arts, such as music, opera, and paintings, but instead should spend more money on construction of infrastructure, discuss both opinions.

When it comes to where the government should allocate money to, people's opinions diverse greatly. Some say that government should emphasis on the construction of infrastructure, while others think art is more important than it. Personally, i think both aspects are significant.

Investing in the domain of art brings following advantages. Obviously, the projects related to arts enable the public better enjoying the life, as enjoying a opera or concert tend to extricate people from busy work and then have a relaxation both physically and psychologically, thereby, improving the quality of life. Besides, carrying on a kind of art is highly possible to enrich people's life, especially for the elderly's spiritual life, for instance, joining in the community's activities, learning dancing and practicing calligraphy, which is helpful for those loneliness old people. Also, the galleries, parks, and museums which originally built for the purpose of art use today are also beneficial to the local economy, as they may become the city interests attract many tourists during holidays.

Others, however, disagree with above opinion and thinking that government should allocate money in the areas with urgent problems, such as coping with starvation in rural areas would more efficiency, as food is the basic needs for those people living under poverty line. If they cannot eat full, then not to mention the spirit pursuit. Moreover, it is also essential to address the housing problems for those struggling for life and living in cramped space in big city. To be a contributor of a city, they are entitled to deserve a private place to live rather than shoulder a heavy burden for saving a house.

In conclusion, both two sides of discussion are reasonable. My view is that government should concentrate on the construction of infrastructure, meanwhile, they are required to take care of art, as it is a crucial element for the citzen's spiritual life ans also helpful for a city's tourism.

Answer 1

1.第一段government should emphasis on,这里emphasis 是名词形式，应该为put emphasis on 或者emphasize.
2.第一段最好不要写more important than it，这里的it容易指代不明。
3.enable...to,可以改成enable the public to enjoy a better stantard of life.
4.a opera,应该为an opera。应该是笔误吧。
5.同是这一句，enjoying分词作主语后面的谓语动词用单三tends to
6.第二段最后一句are originally built。
7.第三段more efficiency，这里用efficient。
8.the government，最好有定冠词。

以上是一些小的语法问题，在内容上：
1.两段陈述第一段写investing in the domian...而第二段开头others disagree不能统一，前面如果不是some think，后面的others就显得非常唐突。
2.第一段理由陈述开始就说following advantages,使读者自然感觉后面一定是first,second,如果没有就很不自然，觉得没连接起来。而且用first,second会显得更有条理。在结构上最好不把很多模板串在一起使用，会丧失整体性。
3.每一段理由最后最好有一句观点总结，千万不能是in conclusion这样的大总，最好是一句段落的观点概括。比如理由第一段可以写in the previous discussion it is cogently proved that...
会显得条理清晰。

挑的一些小毛病，论述的内容还是不错，希望可以帮到你。

Answer 2

题目:有些人认为政府不应该把钱的艺术,如音乐、戏剧、绘画,而是应该花更多的钱在基础设施建设,探讨双方的意见。

When it comes to where the government should allocate money to, people's opinions diverse greatly.
当谈到钱,在政府应该分配,人们的看法不同有很大的影响。

Some say that government should emphasis on the construction of infrastructure, while others think art is more important than it.
有些人说,政府应该重视基础设施建设,而另外一些人却认为艺术是比钱重要的多。

Personally, i think both aspects are significant.
就我个人而言,我认为两方面具有十分重要的意义。

Investing in the domain of art brings following advantages.
在投资领域的艺术带来诸多优点。

Obviously, the projects related to arts enable the public better enjoying the life, as enjoying a opera or concert tend to extricate people from busy work and then have a relaxation both physically and psychologically, thereby, improving the quality of life.
很明显,这个项目让公众艺术更好的享受生活,享受歌剧或音乐会使人往往从忙碌的工作,然后有一个放松的生理和心理,从而改善生活品质。

Besides, carrying on a kind of art is highly possible to enrich people's life, especially for the elderly's spiritual life, for instance, joining in the community's activities, learning dancing and practicing calligraphy, which is helpful for those loneliness old people.
此外,进行一种艺术是极有可能的丰富着人们的生活,尤其是对老年人的精神生活,例如,参加社区的活动,学习舞蹈和练习书法,有利于那些孤独的老人。

Also, the galleries, parks, and museums which originally built for the purpose of art use today are also beneficial to the local economy, as they may become the city interests attract many tourists during holidays.
同时,画廊、公园和博物馆最初建立的目的是艺术今天使用也有利于当地经济,因为他们可以成为城市利益吸引许多观光客在假日的时候。

Others, however, disagree with above opinion and thinking that government should allocate money in the areas with urgent problems, such as coping with starvation in rural areas would more efficiency, as food is the basic needs for those people living under poverty line.
然而,另一些人却不同意以上的观点,认为政府应该把资金用在地区迫切需要解决的问题,如农村应对饥饿会更高效,随着食品是最基本的需要为这些人生活在贫困线以下。

If they cannot eat full, then not to mention the spirit pursuit.
如果他们不能吃满,然后更不用说精神追求。

Moreover, it is also essential to address the housing problems for those struggling for life and living in cramped space in big city.
此外,还必须解决住房问题的奋斗生命和生活在大城市在狭小的空间。

To be a contributor of a city, they are entitled to deserve a private place to live rather than shoulder a heavy burden for saving a house.
是一个崭新的城市,他们有权得到私人的地方住着沉重的负担,而不是救了一所房子。

In conclusion, both two sides of discussion are reasonable.
总之,两方面的讨论是合理的。

My view is that government should con
我的观点是,政府应该欺诈