Question

请哪位高手帮忙看看哪有语法错误，请指正，非常感谢！

Background and Objective Takayasu's arteritis (TA) is a chronic, non-specific, inflammatory disease of the aorta and its major branches. Its etiology still remains unclear. Lack of specific clinical manifestations in the early stage of the disease too often leads to misdiagnosis or missed diagnosis. With the progression of the disease, the ischemic changes of the target organ will gradually appear. Serious complications such as stroke, myocardial infarction, heart failure, renal insufficiency can developed in these patients and severe cases can lead to death. For the sake of better understanding of this disease, this study was designed to evaluate the clinical features and the outcome of patients with TA in our hospital.
Patients and Methods The clinical data of 58 patients who were followed with the diagnosis of TA from January 2003 to March 2012 at the Department of vascular Surgery and of Rheumatology Peking University People’s Hospital were retrospectively analyzed. To evaluating the effectiveness of different treatments, follow-ups were conducted by telephone interview. The data of Patients with different groups was conducted with Chi-square test and Fisher’s exact test.
Results This data suggests that stroke as first manifestation is more common in male patients than in female patients. Male patients with TA have a higher frequency of hypertension and the hypertensive condition is more serious. According to the NIH criterion, patients were divided into two groups, active and inactive groups. Compared with inactive groups, the active TA patients showed elevated level of ESR, CRP, platelet and fibrinogen, while the level of Albumin/Globulin ratio and complement C3 was reduced. Electrophoresis showed that the elevation of globulin mainly based on globulin α1 and globulin α2.The TA patients with extensive type have poorer prognosis than those with non-extensive type.

Answer 1

你的英语水平不错，无论在语法上还是意思表述上行文都比较严谨，只是在个别地方提出一些供你参考的商榷意见。（标有 ※ 的是原文，* 是我提出的意见）

Background and Objective

※ Takayasu's arthritis (TA) is a chronic, non-specific, inflammatory disease of the aorta and its major branches.
* 修饰disease的三个并列定语最后一个最好用and并举，即 a chronic, non-specific and inflammatory disease

※ Its etiology still remains unclear. Lack of specific clinical manifestations in the early stage of the disease too often leads to misdiagnosis or missed diagnosis.
* 主语l ack of ...太长，最好用 it is 结构把主语后置：It is too often leads to misdiagnosis or missed diagnosis that there is a lack of specific clinical manifestations in the early stage of the disease.

※ With the progression of the disease, the ischemic changes of the target organ will gradually appear.
* With the progression of the disease 是否改为 With the deterioration of the state of the disease（随着病情恶化）。

※ Serious complications such as stroke, myocardial infarction, heart failure, renal insufficiency can developed in these patients and severe cases can lead to death.
* such as 例句部分最要用逗号分隔，即 complications, such as stroke, myocardial infarction, heart failure, renal insufficiency, can develop …
* can developed可能是笔误，情态动词后要跟动词原形develop。
* in these patients好像用 in the patients’ focus（在患者病灶上）要好一些。

※ For the sake of better understanding of this disease, this study was designed to evaluate the clinical features and the outcome of patients with TA in our hospital.
* 这里的the clinical features and the outcome是否都是指患者的，若如此，应该把 the outcome的定冠词去掉，这样 of patients with TA in our hospital才能同时修饰并举的两个名词，即“我院的染有TA患者的临床特征和结果。另外outcome可否改为curative effect（疗效）”。

Patients and Methods

◎ The clinical data of 58 patients who were followed with the diagnosis of TA from January 2003 to March 2012 at the Department of vascular Surgery and of Rheumatology Peking University People’s Hospital were retrospectively analyzed.
* The clinical data of 58 patients似乎用for 58 patients为妥；
* the Department of vascular Surgery 首字母全部大写：the Department of Vascular Surgery
* and 后并列的第二个修饰the diagnosis的of 介词短语距离被修饰词较远，读者可能一下理不清和前面的关系，最好用that重新指代，改为：and that of Rheumatology Peking University People’s Hospital were retrospectively analyzed.
* 另外，who引导的定语从句较长，跟个句子的主谓部分相距较远，好像用逗号隔开，改为非限制性的在意思上也说得过去，或者把整个从句调整到句尾：
-- The clinical data of 58 patients, who were followed …, were retrospectively analyzed.。
-- The clinical data of 58 patients were retrospectively analyzed, who were followed …,。

※ To evaluating the effectiveness of different treatments, follow-ups were conducted by telephone interview.
* To evaluating the effectiveness改为as for evaluating the effectiveness或者as to evaluateing the effectiveness

◎ The data of Patients with different groups was conducted with Chi-square test and Fisher’s exact test.

Results

◎ This data suggests that stroke as first manifestation is more common in male patients than in female patients.
* Suggest 后跟 that 从句表示由人提出的建议，要表示“间接表明”，后面只能跟名词，改为：This data suggests the fact that the stroke as first manifestation is more common in male patients than in female patients（that 从句用作 suggests 的宾语 fact 的同位语从句）.

◎ Male patients with TA have a higher frequency of hypertension and the hypertensive condition is more serious. According to the NIH criterion, patients were divided into two groups, active and inactive groups. Compared with inactive groups, the active TA patients showed elevated level of ESR, CRP, platelet and fibrinogen, while the level of Albumin/Globulin ratio and complement C3 was reduced.
* 用while进行对照的前后两部分应该是平行结构，此处的名词短语 elevated level of ESR, CRP, platelet and fibrinogen 也要用与 while 后面结构一致的句子，把它改为 showed 后的宾语从句：(showed that) the level of… was elevated, while the level of …was reduced

◎ Electrophoresis showed that the elevation of globulin mainly based on globulin α1 and globulin α2. The TA patients with extensive type have poorer prognosis than those with non-extensive type.

Answer 2

标有 ※ 的是原文，* 是我提出的意见）

Background and Objective

※ Takayasu's arthritis (TA) is a chronic, non-specific, inflammatory disease of the aorta and its major branches.
* 修饰disease的三个并列定语最后一个最好用and并举，即 a chronic, non-specific and inflammatory disease

※ Its etiology still remains unclear. Lack of specific clinical manifestations in the early stage of the disease too often leads to misdiagnosis or missed diagnosis.
* 主语l ack of ...太长，最好用 it is 结构把主语后置：It is too often leads to misdiagnosis or missed diagnosis that there is a lack of specific clinical manifestations in the early stage of the disease.

※ With the progression of the disease, the ischemic changes of the target organ will gradually appear.
* With the progression of the disease 是否改为 With the deterioration of the state of the disease（随着病情恶化）。

※ Serious complications such as stroke, myocardial infarction, heart failure, renal insufficiency can developed in these patients and severe cases can lead to death.
* such as 例句部分最要用逗号分隔，即 complications, such as stroke, myocardial infarction, heart failure, renal insufficiency, can develop …
* can developed可能是笔误，情态动词后要跟动词原形develop。
* in these patients好像用 in the patients’ focus（在患者病灶上）要好一些。

※ For the sake of better understanding of this disease, this study was designed to evaluate the clinical features and the outcome of patients with TA in our hospital.
* 这里的the clinical features and the outcome是否都是指患者的，若如此，应该把 the outcome的定冠词去掉，这样 of patients with TA in our hospital才能同时修饰并举的两个名词，即“我院的染有TA患者的临床特征和结果。另外outcome可否改为curative effect（疗效）”。

Patients and Methods

◎ The clinical data of 58 patients who were followed with the diagnosis of TA from January 2003 to March 2012 at the Department of vascular Surgery and of Rheumatology Peking University People’s Hospital were retrospectively analyzed.
* The clinical data of 58 patients似乎用for 58 patients为妥；
* the Department of vascular Surgery 首字母全部大写：the Department of Vascular Surgery
* and 后并列的第二个修饰the diagnosis的of 介词短语距离被修饰词较远，读者可能一下理不清和前面的关系，最好用that重新指代，改为：and that of Rheumatology Peking University People’s Hospital were retrospectively analyzed.
* 另外，who引导的定语从句较长，跟个句子的主谓部分相距较远，好像用逗号隔开，改为非限制性的在意思上也说得过去，或者把整个从句调整到句尾：
-- The clinical data of 58 patients, who were followed …, were retrospectively analyzed.。
-- The clinical data of 58 patients were retrospectively analyzed, who were followed …,。

※ To evaluating the effectiveness of different treatments, follow-ups were conducted by telephone interview.
* To evaluating the effectiveness改为as for evaluating the effectiveness或者as to evaluateing the effectiveness

◎ The data of Patients with different groups was conducted with Chi-square test and Fisher’s exact test.

Results

◎ This data suggests that stroke as first manifestation is more common in male patients than in female patients.
* Suggest 后跟 that 从句表示由人提出的建议，要表示“间接表明”，后面只能跟名词，改为：This data suggests the fact that the stroke as first manifestation is more common in male patients than in female patients（that 从句用作 suggests 的宾语 fact 的同位语从句）.

◎ Male patients with TA have a higher frequency of hypertension and the hypertensive condition is more serious. According to the NIH criterion, patients were divided into two groups, active and inactive groups. Compared with inactive groups, the active TA patients showed elevated level of ESR, CRP, platelet and fibrinogen, while the level of Albumin/Globulin ratio and complement C3 was reduced.
* 用while进行对照的前后两部分应该是平行结构，此处的名词短语 elevated level of ESR, CRP, platelet and fibrinogen 也要用与 while 后面结构一致的句子，把它改为 showed 后的宾语从句：(showed that) the level of… was elevated, while the level of …was reduced

◎ Electrophoresis showed that the elevation of globulin mainly based on globulin α1 and globulin α2. The TA patients with extensive type have poorer prognosis than those with non-extensive type.

Answer 3

Takakkaw's