雅思大作文TASK2 求评分! 20
Topic:Themovementofpeoplefromagriculturalareastoworkcancauseseriousproblemsinbothplac...
Topic:The movement of people from agricultural areas to work can cause serious problems in both places.What are the serious problems and how to solve these problems?
Nowadays,due to both better education environment and more job opportunities are in cities,more and more people move from agricultural areas to cities ,which brings not only benefits,but also some serious problems to both places.
As a matter of fact,as the people move from rural areas to urban areas,the demand of the public transport system increases,which can lead to more air pollution.Meanwhile,the rising pressure of traffic brings more traffic accidents.Also,wait time at emergency rooms can bocome a public health issue as hosipitals may not be equipted to handle the increase in population.In addition,schools may not have the budget to hire additional personels or build new buildings,which can result in overcrowding in classrooms.
On the other hand,in rural areas,because of the adults in a woking age moving to work in cities,the elderly and children are left with little care from them.In China,the children staying at countriside without their parents who work in cities has already become a serious social problem.The young children are only looked after by their realatives or even by themselves,without the care and education from their parents,most of them may be weary of studing , unsocial and sensitive,which may lead to more crimes.Futhermore, the gab between rural areas and urban areas becoming wider.Because most of the adults in the working age prefer to work in cities,who else can contribute to the devolopement of the countryside.
In my opinion,the key solution is that the government should pay more attention on the rural areas by investing more money and human resources in the infrastructure of the rural areas,which could attrack more people to the rural areas.Besides,implementing some policies that benifical for the people of rural areas ,such as having the right to have more than two babies and reducing the tuition of colleages,which are also attractive to people.
Overall,the problems of people's movement from agricultural areas to cities are still increasing,which need the government spends more efforts on it.
我在淘宝上请人帮忙改了文章,他给的分数是5.5,他给的意见是:your do not need that many problems listed, delete them to two or three. For methods, it is better to find them matching the problems you have listed. Only in this way you can make writing valid.我写这篇文章后还照着一些范文的句子改过的呢,本来觉得写的挺好的,虽知道还是那么低分.我就是有点怀疑帮我改的人的水平.......毕竟只是网上改,没有当面教,是什么人改的谁知道啊....我已经请这个人帮我改过很多篇作文了,一直都是5.5-6.0,6.0也是很少的,前面写的时候有很多语法错误,感觉到后面已经改正很多了,现在感觉就是写论证的时候出现很多问题,照那个老师的说法是这样的.我已经照着书上的范文来建立自己的摸板了,剩下就是套论据了,怎么还是那么低分啊,我看那些高分范文写的也不过如此啊.而且我的TASK1竟然也一直是5.5-6分.好难提高啊 展开
Nowadays,due to both better education environment and more job opportunities are in cities,more and more people move from agricultural areas to cities ,which brings not only benefits,but also some serious problems to both places.
As a matter of fact,as the people move from rural areas to urban areas,the demand of the public transport system increases,which can lead to more air pollution.Meanwhile,the rising pressure of traffic brings more traffic accidents.Also,wait time at emergency rooms can bocome a public health issue as hosipitals may not be equipted to handle the increase in population.In addition,schools may not have the budget to hire additional personels or build new buildings,which can result in overcrowding in classrooms.
On the other hand,in rural areas,because of the adults in a woking age moving to work in cities,the elderly and children are left with little care from them.In China,the children staying at countriside without their parents who work in cities has already become a serious social problem.The young children are only looked after by their realatives or even by themselves,without the care and education from their parents,most of them may be weary of studing , unsocial and sensitive,which may lead to more crimes.Futhermore, the gab between rural areas and urban areas becoming wider.Because most of the adults in the working age prefer to work in cities,who else can contribute to the devolopement of the countryside.
In my opinion,the key solution is that the government should pay more attention on the rural areas by investing more money and human resources in the infrastructure of the rural areas,which could attrack more people to the rural areas.Besides,implementing some policies that benifical for the people of rural areas ,such as having the right to have more than two babies and reducing the tuition of colleages,which are also attractive to people.
Overall,the problems of people's movement from agricultural areas to cities are still increasing,which need the government spends more efforts on it.
我在淘宝上请人帮忙改了文章,他给的分数是5.5,他给的意见是:your do not need that many problems listed, delete them to two or three. For methods, it is better to find them matching the problems you have listed. Only in this way you can make writing valid.我写这篇文章后还照着一些范文的句子改过的呢,本来觉得写的挺好的,虽知道还是那么低分.我就是有点怀疑帮我改的人的水平.......毕竟只是网上改,没有当面教,是什么人改的谁知道啊....我已经请这个人帮我改过很多篇作文了,一直都是5.5-6.0,6.0也是很少的,前面写的时候有很多语法错误,感觉到后面已经改正很多了,现在感觉就是写论证的时候出现很多问题,照那个老师的说法是这样的.我已经照着书上的范文来建立自己的摸板了,剩下就是套论据了,怎么还是那么低分啊,我看那些高分范文写的也不过如此啊.而且我的TASK1竟然也一直是5.5-6分.好难提高啊 展开
1个回答
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这样的文确实正常评分下来，是5.5分~6分。
首先，第一段还应该对 措施 做一句话的概述——意识到这个问题严重性，我们应该在它恶化之前提出行之有效措施。
其次，段落结构不严谨。你们老师有点指出的对！对于这题，措施是核心，可是你写了2段核心段的问题，明显的结构不合理！其实你只需要写一段核心段的问题（可列出有逻辑衔接的3点即可），然后措施段才是最核心段（从政府立法，相关管理部门具体措施，媒体弘扬以及唤起认知，个体角度遵守法规，提高保护意识，从个人做起。）
最后结尾段，也无亮点！
关于雅思写作的快速突破，可以跟我交流下！百度hi偶！其他人可百度“Aaron在路上”，进去偶新浪博客！记得采纳为最佳答案哈！
首先，第一段还应该对 措施 做一句话的概述——意识到这个问题严重性，我们应该在它恶化之前提出行之有效措施。
其次，段落结构不严谨。你们老师有点指出的对！对于这题，措施是核心，可是你写了2段核心段的问题，明显的结构不合理！其实你只需要写一段核心段的问题（可列出有逻辑衔接的3点即可），然后措施段才是最核心段（从政府立法，相关管理部门具体措施，媒体弘扬以及唤起认知，个体角度遵守法规，提高保护意识，从个人做起。）
最后结尾段，也无亮点！
关于雅思写作的快速突破，可以跟我交流下！百度hi偶！其他人可百度“Aaron在路上”，进去偶新浪博客！记得采纳为最佳答案哈！
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