Question

求帮忙看一下我的雅思作文。。。

题目是剑7test3的大作文。。
At most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

In terms of the time, people spend so much on the jobs that the job has almost became another companion of us. Therefore, if we are pursuing happiness, it is the job satisfaction that gives us access to it.

But what exactly contributes to job satisfaction? In my opinion, firstly, the relationship with the colleagues. Obviously, confronting with the one who we do not want to talk with day by day will make the job tedious. Secondly, the salary is another significant source of job satisfaction. Especially under the condition of inflation, getting ideal salary fives individuals the sense of stability and is widely thought to be the happiest thing. Thirdly, for the aggressive workers, the opportunity to promotion also plays an essential role on the path to happiness. Last but not least, in order to be satisfied with the job, employees should be interested in doing it. Supposing that a person is working with the humdrum things everyday, he or she will be mad about it gradually, either for the younger or for the elder. Conversely, being interested in the job will encourage us to do it better, stimulate our creativity and make everyday a gift.

Theoretically, all workers could be satisfied with the job as long as the find a proper one. But in fact, some individuals work for money only, which means they just regard the job as an approach to live, not as a friend. So it is hard to fulfill the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers.

To sum up, though we can hardly make everyone satisfied by his or her job, we can alter our attitude to earning money and spend the majority of our adult life on the job we are favor of.

谢谢大家了！！！！！

Answer 1

句子组织太罗嗦，一定要将意思用最简练的语言表述出来。注意句子意思的连贯性。