Question

雅思作文批改

topic :young people like shopping in their spare time.Some people think they should spare the time leaning useful skills and knowledge.Do you agree or disagree?

my essay:It's true that young people like shoping rather than learn useful skills and knowledge in their spare time,which draws the elders's attention.They hold the view that most of the leisure time should spent on useful skills and knowledge.

Admittedly,useful skills and knowledge are badly needed for young people as they are experiencing a fierce competitive society.Either finding a good job or making progress in study is important for young people So they are spontanously or pushed to excessively learn skills and knowledge.This act do bring benefits to them.For example
young people with good english skills have more chances to land a better job.

However,reaching above mentioned conclusion doesnt mean we must sepnd all the time in learning skills and knowledge.Excessive learning will result in physical and mental problem.A survey conducted by Dr Cooper,a educational expert from SZU indicates that 80% excessive learners are more or less facing different kinds of mental problem.These problem,if not resolved,will further cause serious physical problems.

As a kind of entertainment,shopping plays a role to relax young people by buying thing and recieving different information.Besides,not only are we amused by shopping,but also we learning through it.For instance,social skills will be gained during the transaction.Aesthetic taste will be improved when choosing commodeties.Most importantly,We will learn interpersonal skills by communicating with people.All these skills are supposed to possess if you are on the way to success.

In conclusiion,useful skills and knowledge are necesorry in our lives,but leisure life,such as shopping is equally important to some extent.The key point is ,we need to figure out how to get the balance between learning and shopping.

求好心人修改，评分，一点要评分哦！谢谢！

Answer 1

topic :young people like shopping in their spare time.Some people think they should spare(spend) the time leaning useful skills and knowledge.Do you agree or disagree?

my essay:It's true that young people like shoping(shopping) rather than learn(learning) useful skills and knowledge in their spare time,which draws the elders's attention.They hold the view that most of the leisure time should (be) spent on useful skills and knowledge.

Admittedly,useful skills and knowledge are badly needed for young people as they are experiencing a fierce competitive society.Either finding a good job or making progress in study is important for young people So they are spontanously or pushed to excessively learn skills and knowledge.This act do(es) bring benefits to them.For example
young people with good english skills have more chances to land a better job.

However,reaching above mentioned conclusion doesnt mean we must sepnd(spend) all the time in learning skills and knowledge.Excessive learning will result in physical and mental problem(s).A survey conducted by Dr Cooper,a(n) educational expert from SZU indicates that 80% excessive learners are more or less facing different kinds of mental problem(s).These problem(s),if not resolved,will further cause serious physical problems.

As a kind of entertainment,shopping plays a role to relax young people by buying thing and recieving different information.Besides,not only are we amused by shopping,but also we learning through it.For instance,social skills will be gained during the transaction.Aesthetic taste will be improved when choosing commodeties.Most importantly,We will learn interpersonal skills by communicating with people.All these skills are supposed to possess if you are on the way to success.

In conclusi(i)on,useful skills and knowledge are necesorry in our lives,but leisure life,such as shopping is equally important to some extent.The key point is ,we need to figure out how to get the balance between learning and shopping.

89分

Answer 2

俺来打酱油,按着相同的题目练了一遍
What is the most suitable if young people spare the time in shopping or learning useful skills and knowledge?Most of parents inclined to be their descendant focus on their studying.At the same time,a lot of experts advocate young people use some leisure time for shopping.Both side of augument are well supported by sound reasons,speaking from myself,i stand on the side of former one,the reasons as follows
firstly,it's irreversible that learning useful skill and knowledge is one of the most important thing in everyone life.Young people have to confront the drastic competition in society someday,so they should enhance the general ability and strenghen the practical knowledge to prevail their rivals
secondly,due to the swift development of economy,the requirement of society become more and more rigid.A great number of enterprises not only request the youngs have the fundamental knowledge which learned from academy,but also need the youngs learn some practical skill by themselves in order to overcome the adversity effectively
On the other hand,many experts advise young people should take some of time for entertainment such as shopping.Shopping is one of the ways can release the pressure perfectly,futhermore,shopping also can evoke the one inspiration and congest the happiness in one spirit,otherwise,young people must be discreet that don't spend their money too superfluous
Based on the above analysis and discussion,it's imperative that young people have to spare enough time for learning useful skill and knowledge because that can influence their career deeply,however we can't neglect the entertainment also have profound influence.So we can see studying and entertainment are complementary.

Answer 3

建议写文章的时候才用四段式写雅思作文不要分的太多 而且注意自己的语法 你的文章出现了很多语法错误 希望改正

Answer 4

神马