Question

麻烦各位高手帮我修改一篇雅思小作文 题目是剑桥雅思5 Test 1 Task1

THe graph reveals that percentage of population aged 65 and over in Japan. Sweden and the USA between 1940 and 2040. Both of three countries lines are increasly, especially Japan change id biggest.? THe Sweden line is up from approximately 7% to 26% in this period if time. However , this is similar with the US, frome 9% to almost 24%.? In 1940, the proportion of people aged 65 or more stood at only 5% and lowest in Japan. Before 1980, the number of Japan was always decreased. The percentage of population aged 65 was backed to 5% in 2005. Since that monment, it increased from 5% to 28%.? THe graph tell us a truth that the order people is more serious than before in all over the world.

Answer 1

Both 改成All，三个以上用All

especially Japan change id biggest.?

这句改成，base on data which from the chart, year 2020 is the burst point of Japanese aged population. 会比较好（个人观点）

第二段可以把in this period if time去掉，在句首放上 during the 1940 to 2040,

追问

可是那句year 2020 会不会有点语法错误啊？ 不是应该是year 2020?

追答

那句吧is 改成will be

Answer 2

图表分析是不能够有自己的观点或者说图表告诉了我们什么信息的，一定是要base on the graph。THe graph tell us a truth that the order people is more serious than before in all
over the world.这句话是你的猜测，不一定是事实。
仅是个人观点，不喜勿喷