Question

求高手大神帮忙批改一下我的托福作文。愚不甚感激~~~

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Employees who are good at following the instructions of their managers are more valuable to their companies than employees who always try to find new ways or better ways.

Over the past decades, the relationship to strike a balance between the employees and their managers plays a pivotal role in the long-term development path for a company. Nowadays, hearted debate has been going on about whether employees should follow the instruction of their managers or should create new ways by themselves. From my own perspective, I think making contributions to company by ways of following the managers does more good than harm.
Firstly, complying with instructions assigned by managers could make task better accomplished. It is undeniably that given the increasingly accumulated knowledge and experience, discretion of the managers far outweigh that of the employees, which makes company somewhat avoid detours. This is a matter of management skills that concerns. Without obeying with this management system, instead of letting employees do whatever they want to do, it will definitely do detrimental to company’s profits, including lower company’s competition, slow down the speed of advancement in company etc.
Secondly, deferring to managers could improve the cohesive force of company. Obviously, the main responsibility for all numbers of company is to work together as a whole. It is imperative to build a strong term and improve the term spirit. Foxconn serves as a fitting and public examples, nearly everyday, the whole numbers are asked to come together and have a meeting regularly, discussing the potential challenges or difficulties they may encounter. The managers are supposed to express their ideas and others should make judgment whether the plan should implement. Only by this way, can numbers be organized as a whole, thereby improving the all efficiency for company.
Admittedly, trying to find new ways could make numbers innovative. Apparently, managers are not always correct, and they may get inspirations from smarter employees at times. Even so, i have to say it’s so rare for managers to make a mistake, especially for those who have received high education. Take the graduates from the Ivy League as an instance, the majority of them are getting into the big companies and make the great achievements.
To sum up, I would concede that trying something new sometimes can lead to a good result. Despite that I tend to be in favor of following instruction of managers. Overall, I am convinced that obeying to leaders will do benefits to company in the long-term.

Answer 1

1 第一段过于刻板，完全可以用自己的语言，而不是套句子。比如xdf的典型句子：the debate blah blah blah....你可以直接说支持哪个，用一下讽刺。
2 第二、三段长度非常好，不过可以用多一点长难句。一般托福把考官绕晕，自己的写作技巧炫耀得差不多就OK了。
3 最后一段很好，简介又点到POINT
4 托福其实不需要用那么多例子，多讲道理，和考官“谈天”就挺好的
我托福写作分别22、28、29分，希望对你有帮助

Answer 2

挺好