Question

高手帮我批改一下这篇英语作文

帮我看看这篇作文，给我些具体 的意见，谢谢了

One day I was about to go outside to play when I saw my mother being busy with several housework at the same time. She looked so tired, and I felt guilty, Therefore I made a determination to share housework with her. I was about to wash the clothes when my friend called me up and asked me to play with her. I told her that I would go on the condition that completing my washing. Then I go on washing ,Only then did I realized it was such a tiring thing to wash clothes, and how tired my mother was. While my mother not only worked outside but also took the responsibility of our housework inside, she never complaint to us. After washing I felt tired though ,my mother praised me ,and said that I was a good child. I felt happy.

Answer 1

minking做的很好的一点是,想办法用好句式和词组. 但是怎么用似乎还需要学习.

整个文章里的标点符号用的不太好,似乎都是逗号? 需要学会断句, 和正确使用标点.

以下提出我的建议:
1.第一句里being去掉. busy with可以直接加在mother 后,表示2.妈妈在做什么.
"make a decision"更好. determination这个词的含义很强,表示你有决心一定要完成一件什么事.而在这里你是做了一个决定.
3."share housework with her"请minking仔细再读一遍会不会发现问题? 对了, share sth with sb. 是谁拥有这个东西呢, 你自己.然后你才会和别人分享.放在这句话里的意思就是说, 家务活是你全包的,然后你要和你的母亲分享家务活. 意思不对了吧? 你的原意应该是"帮妈妈分担家务活"吧,如果是的话,可以写成" help her with some housework within my power" within my power意思是力所能及.你加不加无所谓.
4. "I told her that I would go on the condition that completing my washing." 此句中有数个问题. "on the condition that"用于此句略有不妥.因为你的文章是叙事的, 用那么正式的词会有些奇怪.但是并不是说不可以用. 另一个语法的问题是你在on the condition that 后面加了ing分词.
如果你要加ing分词,就必须把前面换成 under the condition of. 如果是on the conditon that, 后面要加的是一个完整的句子.
5. then i go on washing应该变成过去时.你的整篇文章都是过去时的,这里要语态致.
6.only then did i realized应该是only then did i realize 在强调词"did"出现后应该加动词原型.
7. inside 和outside是指家里和在外工作吧. work outside会让我理解成你妈妈是在户外工作的, 而不是"在外工作".inside可以去掉, 因为你已经写了housework, 就需要在重复"在家里"了,别人明白家务活都是在家里做的,对吧?
最后一点是,这句话头重脚轻. 不知道你是否需要那么精确的英语修改.你就权当了解吧. 你文章里的"while"这个从句太长, 主句太短,就会给人一种前半句太沉重,而后半句太短了. 比较好的办法是, 如果从句很长, 则先写主句,然后从句.
我对这句话的建议是:My mother never complained a word to us, although she not only worked from nine to five every workday, but also took care of housework after she went back home.

Answer 2

没有善用逗号。
很华语的英文，阅读的蛮辛苦的。