Question

汉译英翻译 ，以下请找出英文的错误或不当处并更正， 英文最后要给老外看，请大侠帮忙。不要机器翻译

2013聚焦信息安全审计
Focuson Information Security Audit in 2013
新的一年中，公司信息安全水平较去年提升了多少? 和业界的最佳实践相比，还有多少提升的空间？还有多少信息安全的薄弱环节？是否还有未知的高风险点亟待评估和处置？
In the new year, how
much did the level of information security of our company rise compared with last
year? And how much promotion space with the best practices? How many weak links
in the ISMS? Whether have any unknown high risks need to be assessed and
handled?
新的一年，信息安全部审计职能正式全面启动，以度量为手段，风险评估为依据，对信息安全相关流程的执行，业务流程的安全风险等进行审计，结合信息安全意识培训宣传，进一步推进信息安全管理体系更好的运作，降低组织面临的信息安全风险，为企业发展保驾护航！
In
the new year, we will enable the audit function to audit the business processes
and process risk according to the security measurement and risk assessment. Promote
the operation of ISMS and reduce the organization risks by the informationtraining and awareness to protect the enterprise development!

Answer 1

Focus on Audit of Information Security in 2013
How much has the company’s information security been improved in the new year as compared with the last year? How much further can it be improved as compared with the best practices of the industry? How many vulnerable links still exist in the ISMS? Are there any unknown loopholes at high risks which need to be assessed and dealt with?
In the new year, we will startup the audit functions of the Audit Department. On the bases of risk assessment, he implementation of info-security related processes and security risks in business processes will be audited with security measurement. By means of training and propagation of info-security awareness, the operation of ISMS shall be further enhanced to reduce the risk imperiling the company (organization?) and to convoy it for its development!

Answer 2

第一句：是Focus,不用focuson
第二句：compare to 会比compare with 好一点。
第三句：改成 Compared with the best practices, how much promotion space is there?
第四句：How many weak links are there still in ISMS?
第五句：Are there still any unknown high risks in need of access and handling?