Question

雅思作文 求批改 多谢多谢~

题目：Air travel only brings advantages to the rich people. But the majority of people do not benefit from it. To what extent do you agree?

The invention of aircrafts has brought about great advances to human kinds. These advances are not only enjoyed by rich people, but also shared by people with less fortune.
Air travel certainly has the potential to transform rich people’s life. For those who are running businesses, air travel boosts their efficiency. The products, especially those demanded to be fresh , used to spend two or three days on the way , can reach the destination within a few hours. Meantime, air travel also make people more comfort when travelling. Apart from the speed, it would be enjoyable if a person is wealth enough to get accessible to a luxury compartment,
However, people from less affluent households also has the rights to enjoy the advantages brought by air travels. Firstly, there are discount flights all the year round. If a person needs to take a plane, what he has to do is just to choose a discount flight which is affordable to him. Secondly, the proliferation of aircrafts provide more employment opportunities . To meet the need for air services, many positions such as pilots and airdresses are needed. Laid-off workers can be trained to adapt to these positions.
In conclusion, air travel brings great advantages for all humankind , not only restricted to rich people. Poor people alike also benefit from the development of air travel.

Answer 1

语法稍有些明显错误。整体表达不错。 考场若能写出此文可得6分。
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Answer 2

先从每段之间空一行做起，谢谢！