Question

雅思作文 求批改和打分~ 谢谢

题目：
Some people think that robot technology is very important for our future. Some others believe that robots are a dangerous invention and have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The development of technology has become so advanced that it seems that nothing is impossible with the use of modern technology, including the invention of robots. Robots, in my definition, are those intellectual machines that have their own thoughts which are similar to that of humans. What is meant by this is that, anything, as long as humans can do , can be done by a robot.
Some people think robots have the potential to bring about great advances to our life. Firstly, the invention of robots boosts human efficiency. In many households, it is impossible for couples to both go to work due to the housework and children. But with the help of a robot, the situation will be converted and couples are able to both make a living. In addition, robots may relive the burden of the government and the society. For instance, the issue of who should take care of the elderly people has long been a hot debate. The problem will be settled if old people are companied by robots which can talk to them, do housework for them, and even go shopping for them.
Others, however, argue that robots are dangerous and may hazard the society. This arguement may be true for several reasons. To start with, as robots are highly intellectual machines, and do not have the ability to distinguish between right and wrong. With an order, robots can work for anyone. If they are used by those people who intend to offend the law, then the order of the society will be out of control. Besides, robots can be labor-saving or even labor-replacing to some extent. Therefore, with the application of robots, there will be an increasing number of laid off workers which will greatly increase the government expenditure.
From my point of view, it is beneficial for our society as a whole. As long as the government control the number of robots and strictly allocate robots to the needy, the robots will certainly bring convenience to our society.

Answer 1

if you could write like this in real exam context, you would probably get 6-6.5
pay attention to collocation.
Some words like converted, and hazard are not used appropriately.
a few sentences are a little bit redundant.
I can see you have a good base English level.
good luck