Question

我写了一篇作文是这周托福写作作业谁能帮我查一下语法错误？改完传邮箱1031345429@qq.com有追加悬赏，急

Many people think television has destroyed communication
among people. I think pile it on. Television is just a way to enjoy ourselves
when we have spare time. So I disagree with this statement. There are many
reasons.

With the development of the
technology during the 21st century, there are many ways of enjoying
our free time. Playing computer games online; reading novels with the mobile
phone; chat with friends on QQ; these are all the ways to enjoy the free time. I
admit there is a little distance between family members and friends. In this
day and age, many people choose to chat with friends online. The internet isn’t
a real thing. The friends we chat online with may be not as perfect as you know
from what they say. This is one of the
reasons why the distance between family members and friends come into being.

After a whole day’s work or
study, people choose to sit before the television and change the channel
quickly. They don’t want to watch the TV very much. The reason why they still
do like this is that they think this is a way of relaxing themselves. And they
want to release pressure from the hard work. Before the television the family
members usually sit together and chat about what happens in their own lives. There
isn’t such an exaggerated distance between family members. In this connection,
the televisions haven’t destroyed the communication among family members.

In the aspect of distance among
friends, an increasing number of advanced science and technology created many
ways of communicating with friends. For example the most popular instant
messenger in China:
QQ. Many people chat with their friends whom they already know in the real
life. In addition, they could make new friends online. So, even the television
has be an important part of human beings’ lives. It couldn’t change the
relationship among the family and friends. Because the kinship and
friendship areas hard as diamonds.

Only a few of the people has
ignored the importance of the kinship and friendship. But they are only a small
part. Most of the people all around the world know the kinship and friendshipare as hard as diamonds so that nothing could break it.

Answer 1

• 第一段第二句：I think pile it on 这句错了 没有宾语 (你可以说一下你想表达什么 我给你改)

• 第二段第二句：reading novels with the mobile phone “with”需要改成“in”

• 第二段第三句： I admit there is a little distance between family members and friends.“between”后面最好不要加复数形式的名词 最好改成among

• 第二段第七句：This is one of the reasons why the distance between family members and friends come into being.这一句是什么意思？ 后面那个 come into being 不懂

• 第三段第二句：They don't want to watch the TV very much.  TV前面不能加the

• 第三段第三句：The reason why they still do like this is that they think this is a way of relaxing themselves.   应改为a way to relax themselves

• 第三段第四句：And they want to release pressure from the hard work.   应改为pressure of

• 第三段第六句：There isn't such an exaggerated distance between family members.  exaggerated应改为tremendous  between再次用错

• 你先改一改 待会儿咱们接着说。。。
  

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