Question

我比赛用的演讲稿，要英语的叙事故事（最好幽默点），或者小笑话也行，意译，不要直译 3分钟左右，跪求！

Answer 1

A 20-yr old pretty, sexy and sensual girl went to see a psychiatrist. 'Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must call him Bastard. I feel that he's gone too far, and he deserves it.' 'Hmm? Such a word is strong and rude. But may be you have your own reasons. Tell me about it so that I can help you.' 'Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night...we parked our car besides the beach and we were alone... and... he held my hand....' 'Did he hold your hand like this?' 'Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're holding it now' 'If it's only this, he doesn't deserve to be called Bastard. It means he doesn't want to be separated from you.' 'Then, he leaned his body towards me... and hugged me...' 'Like this?' 'Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're doing.' 'It's not a Bastard. It means he wanna stay forever by your side' 'Then he kissed me...' 'Like this?' 'Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're kissing me.' 'If its only a kiss like this, seriously you can't call him Bastard. it means he adores you.' 'Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched my boobs, Doc...' 'Like this?' 'Yes, Doctor... exactly like that' 'It's not behavior of a bastard. It means he wants to protect you.' 'Then he took off all my clothes... slowly... ' 'Did you resist?' 'No. I let him do it, coz I love him...' 'Did he take off your clothes like this?' 'Yes, Doctor. Until I'm completely naked like now......' 'He still doesn't deserve to be called 'Bastard, because it means he wanna learn about your body completely.' 'Then he kissed me and put his.... inside me and had sex with me...' ....................... 'Did he do it just like what we do?' 'Yes, Doctor. Exactly the same' 'You still can't call him Bastard. It means he needs you.' 'But then he told me that he has AIDS' All the staff and patients outside heard the doctor screaming,' BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRD!'

Answer 2

你好，我来为你解答：
血色浪漫
激情燃烧的岁月
此间的少年
凤凰面具
理工大风流往事＋外传
我在马路边捡到一个妞
第一次亲密接触
活不明白
异人傲世录
随欲飞凡
莲花宝鉴
丹道仙途
虚空凝剑行
傲剑凌云
凡人修仙传（更新中）
仙葫（更新中）
佛本是道
尘缘
道缘儒仙
仙凡道
从仙墓中走出的强者
造化天道
玄门天道
重生混元道
重生西游
重生玄松道
逍行记
剑仙－剑之修真者
犬神传
歧天路
仙路烟尘
妖猎手
左手仙缘
人间仙路
仙界修仙
仙遁（太监了）
屠龙者（太监了）
乱世铜炉（太监了）
不死传说
不死不灭
大猿王
朱雀记
悟空传
史上第一混乱
史上第一妖
异界兽医
很纯很暧昧
白手起家
我的美女大小姐
花都猎人
黑道学生
橙红年代
一起混过的日子
人途
官途
重生之官途
重生之以老服人
极品家丁
极品公子
陈二狗的妖孽人生
吞噬星空
盾击
宦海纵横
禁果
官商
禁血红莲
修真世界
越境鬼医
楚氏春秋
寂灭天骄
重生未来
仙侠奇缘之花千骨
异世界极品奶爸
生化终结者
大魔王
卡徒
机动风暴
奇仙
小仙有毒
大宋之风流才子
门徒
重修之弑仙灭神
兽血沸腾
佣兵天下
亵渎
随波逐流之一代军师
嗯…起点有个万订专题，都是经典
另外17k的好书也挺多
不知兄弟看不看网游所以没写，看的话发给你

Answer 3

《卧春》 《我蠢》 暗梅幽闻花， 俺没有文化 卧枝伤恨底， 我智商很低， 遥闻卧似水， 要问我是谁， 易透达春绿。 一头大蠢驴。 岸似绿， 俺是驴， 岸似透绿， 俺是头驴， 岸似透黛绿。 俺是头呆驴。

Answer 4

世上最遥远的距离，是我想让国家管管房事，但国家却只想税我。