Question

我写了一篇英语作文My Dream希望那位英语高手能帮忙修改或评价一下。

Scientists are more and moreimportant to our lives, so I hope be a scientist in the future.
Now, scientists haveinvented mobile phones, computers, cars, planes and so on. These inventions make our lives more fast andfun. I think I can become a scientist inthe future. When I grow up if I became a scientist I would invent moreinventions to change our lives. But when a scientists need rich knowledge. Sofrom now on I must study well and work hard.
I believe that I be able tobecome a successful scientist in the future.

Answer 1

我帮你重新改一下，里面有很多语法错误。我也帮你加了很多新的用词，听起来比较正规

Scientists have become more and more important to our daily lives, so my dream is to be a scientist in the future. They have invented mobile phones, computers, cars, planes, and so many more things. These inventions make our lives fun and fast. I think I can be a scientist when I grow up. I will invent more inventions that would help to make our lives better. Being a scientist requires a lot of knowledge, so I will study hard and try my best from now on.
I believe I have the ability to become a successful scientist in the future.

纯手打勿复制。我在美国念书5年了放心我的英文，如果你对语法有问题欢迎提问。

追问

可以在帮我精简一下吗，因为我马上就要参加中考了，中考要求的作文是在80词左右。

追答

Scientists have become very important to our lives, so my dream is to be a scientist. They have invented mobile phones, computers, planes, and many other things that help to make our lives fast and easy. When I become a scientist, I will invent more inventions that would make our lives better. Being a scientist requires a lot of knowledge, so I will study hard and try my best from now on. I believe I can become a successful scientist in the future.

83 字~ 意思一样就是没有那么华丽。。

Answer 2

Scientists are more and more　important to our lives, so I hope　　　　　to be a scientist in the future.
Now, scientists have invented mobile phones, computers, cars, planes and so on. These inventions make our lives (more fast) faster and more convenient. I think I can become a scientist in the future. When I grow up if I became a scientist I would invent more inventions to change our lives. But
to be a scientist needs rich knowledge. So from now on I must study hard and work hard. I believe that Iam able to become a successful scientist in the future.
还行吧，加油！（间隔开的地方有改动噢）

Answer 3

If you want to write good English, your brain has to think good English. For example, the first sentence or statement needs to be justified by asking a question: why? In writing, nothing is obvious, most has to be justified.