Question

雅思作文求评分 求修改

Topic：Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

Answer 1

Hi, love晴cherry

I have revised your essay. Generally speaking, your vocabulary base and grammar are pretty awesome. I bet you will get a pretty high score in IELTS tests. Yet there are some minor inconsistencies in conjunctions and incoherent context. I have replaced the original text with revised ones in (). And also list some substitute usage in () without deleting the original ones.

Nowadays, children begin to learn foreign languages (a second language) even in kindergarten. Some professionals suppose that (believe that) it is better for children to start learning a foreign language at (from) primary school. In the following passage. I will discuss the mass advantages of it and also list some disadvantages.

(To some extents, It is truly beneficial that schools may offer optional L2 courses.) To start with, a primary school student has more (leisure time) than (the one in) secondary school. (Scientifically speaking), (as several physiological experiments published on Proceedings of the National Academy of Science have revealed), the left hemisphere of the brain, which controls(monitors) the function of (language capacity), will gradually pass(hand over) this job to the right hemisphere when one gets older. (Besides), scientists have found out that learning languages with more participation of the left hemisphere has higher efficiency and is of great help to one’s memorisation. (These two findings clearly unveiled why toddlers are more adept in learning a new language than adults.) Thus, it is not uncommon to see many children with outstanding linguistic gifts grasp a secondary language as proficiently as their mother language.

However, it may be hard to acquire a foreign language if a child does not understand what he/she is learning, (because the recognition level is still not high enough in childhood to accomplish such a laborious task). That will not be a significant problem if the second language is taught in middle school, as teenagers are considerably more mature and have more chances being exchange students to other nations. The immersive learning atmosphere plus the clear self-image of teenagers will contribute a lot in learning a foreign language.

In conclusion, it is (a) good news for our society that most primary schools have L2 courses. Familiarity with a foreign language in early ages is beneficial both socially and physiologically. However, to let a pupil has better understanding in second languages, Schools and parents should provide more opportunities to let them use it, thus make the learning curve increases smoothly to secondary school phase.

追问

Thanks sooooo much. BTW, which band this passage may achieve?