Question

求大神帮忙改雅思小作文啊，剑8Task 1谢谢！

The line graph below demonstrate how many goods transported
by four different types of ways in the UK between 1974 and 2002.

In 1974, road transportation was the most popular way to
deliver goods, on average 70 million tonnes, followed by water and rail, with
about 40 million tonnes equal, and approximately 5 million tonnes transported
by pipeline.

According to the graph, there was a increased trend of
quantities of goods transported by water, from 40 million tonnes to about 60
million tonnes, between 1978 to 2002, while the goods transported by rail
decreased by 15 million tonnes, to the lowest point, from 40 million tonnes to
25 tonnes, eventually, back to the original quantities. Although, there was a
fluctuation of goods transported were both climbed by 20 million tonnes, from
1974 to 2002.

Overall, the information given by the line graph is about
the increased tendency of all the modes of transport for delivering goods.
这篇文章能上几分啊？

Answer 1

不好意思, 我不知道这篇文章能上几分, 但是我发视了一些错处.

1. The line graph below demonstrate(s) how many goods (are)transported
2. deliver goods, on average 70 million tonnes, followed by (ships) and rail, with
3. about 40 million tonnes (respectively), and approximately 5 million tonnes transported

4. According to the graph, there was (an) (increasing) trend of
5. million tonnes, between 1978 (and) 2002, while the goods transported by rail
6. decreased by 15 million tonnes(不要逗号)to the lowest point, from 40 million tonnes to
7. Although, there was a fluctuation of goods transported were both climbed by 20 million tonnes, from 1974 to 2002. (不太明白这句的意思)

8. the (increasing) tendency of all the modes of transport for delivering goods.

希望这对你有用. 谢谢!

追问

好的，非常感谢、

Answer 2

The line graph below demonstrate（s) (the number of goods )transported by four different types of ways in the UK between 1974 and 2002.
第一段少了s 然后不能说how many....这样 中国英语
followed by water and rail, with about 40 million tonnes equaly.(there are approximate 5 million tonnes transportedby pipeline)
不要再用and 显得啰嗦
there was a increas（ing) trend of
倒数第二段后面有点乱
文章要突出water 超过rail 然后road是一直最多人选择的 pipeline是最少人一直都是
这个文章有5-5,5

追问

请问您是？

追答

我是？

追问

请问老师的评分标准是什么？

追答

根据雅思给出的评分标准
雅思小作文评分标准
Arguments (论证)
充分并且有力的。需要运用多种论证手法

Ideas (内容)
不要出现跑题的情况。有些学生由于词汇量有限，导致题目中的单词不认识；有些学生对于所涉及的题材不了解；有些学生没有抓住写作重点，即理解上有偏差。

Evidence (论据)
关键要合理，并且能够证明论点，论点要结合题目和实际情况

Communicative Quality (交流质量)
大体上与Task 1的Coherence and Cohesion相同，也涉及文章中代词，关联词，同义反义词等的运用。

Vocabulary and Sentence Structure (词汇与句子的构成)

追问

好的，非常感谢！