Question

雅思剑八T4大作文练习，自己写的，水平渣渣。求大神给指指毛病。实在编不下去了。

In some nation, people are more obesity than usual. Their average weight is raise up and life quality low down. Obesity could bring about a series of sick. This appearance got attention in recent years. Here are some causes that I believe.
The first reason that I like to say is unhealthy food and drink. And they usually were made by KFC or some other junk food restaurant. Although the fast food is chipper delicious and convenient. But fast food included too much oil and sugar which is outstrips human body need. The excess parts store up in body by fat meat. After long time accumulate, the weight raise up.
To be more precise, lack of body exercise is another cause. Sport could help people keep fit is common sense. But along with society progressive, lifestyle became more convenient than earlier times. So some people chose to take drive instead of walk, and they play video games instead of physical games. Comfortable lives give people chance to lazy. Besides, in nowadays society, more and more people sit in office all day long even they don’t want it. All these behavior let people over weight.
As a result, these are many reasons leading to increasing weight of people. I suggest local government should encourage people doing sport. For example build more playgrounds. I also suggest local government make high tax to limit fast food and this method may lead people to healthy life. Even if all these try fail, we still have a finally bad option which is medicine.
题目：In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreassing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Answer 1

In some (nations), people are more (obese) than usual. Their average weight is (raising) up and life quality (lowing) down. Obesity (can) bring about a series of (sickness). This (situation) (has gotten) attention in recent years. Here are some causes that I believe.
The first reason that I (would) like to (suggest) is unhealthy food and (drinks). (不要And) they (are) usually (不要were) made (in) KFC or some other junk food (restaurants). Although (不要the) fast food is (cheaper, more delicious) and (more) convenient. (However,) fast food (includes) too much oil and sugar which (不要is) (outstrip) human body (needs). The excess parts (are stored) (不要up) in (the) body (as) fat (不要meat). After (the fat has been accumulating for a long time), the weight (of the human body will rise) up.
To be more precise, (the) lack of (不要body) exercise is another cause. (It is a common sense that doing sports can help people keep fit.) (However,) along with (the progress of the society), (the lives of modern people has become) more convenient than (that in) earlier times. So some people (choose) to (不要take) drive instead of walk, and (不要they) play video games instead of physical games. Comfortable lives give people (a) chance to (become) lazy. Besides, (in the society nowadays), more and more people sit (inside their) office all day long even (if) they don’t want (to). All these (behaviors) (cause) people (to become) over weight.
(In conclusion), these are (some) reasons (that lead) to (the) increasing (weights) of people. I suggest (the) local government (to) encourage people (to do sports). For example(,) build more playgrounds. I also suggest (the) local government (to introduce higher taxes to the fast food companies so as to limit the import and consumption of fast food) and this method may lead people to (healthier lives). Even if all these (tries) fail, we still have a (final) bad option which is medicine.
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Answer 2