Question

急求能说两三分钟左右的英文幽默对话

不到两分钟不能下讲台，老师定的规矩，网上有很多但是都太短了，一分钟不到就完事了，初二水平的就行，主要还是别太短啊，几句话怎么说上120秒诶，谢谢了，像下面类型的就好，不过对话只有6句，悲催了T T。

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

Answer 1

Hi Tom， it is 12 PM now, can’t you just be quiet? -I am playing a very interesting program. Would you like to join me? -Absolutely not. -If you play it, you will change your answer. -Come on Tom, it is midnight now, and we have classes to take tomorrow. -Just one minute. Why don't you understand playing game is much more fun than sleeping? -I understand that, Tom. Otherwise you won't stay up so late. But you have to choose the right time. -But we are so busy in taking those boring classes in the daytime. -Then you spend the whole night in playing game? That's why you think the classes are boring. You can not concentrate on the lectures at all. You play too much. -That's because these games are really fun. -Yes. To play just for a while is fun. Playing too much means you are going to fail in the exams. -All right, all right. I will go to bed right now.

嗨,汤姆,这是12点了,你就不能安静点吗?
我正在做一个非常有趣的节目。
你愿意加入我吗?
-当然不是。
如果你打它,你将会改变你的答案。
汤姆-来,是午夜了,我们明天有课去。
就一分钟。
你为什么不懂玩游戏比睡觉更有趣吗?
我明白,汤姆。
否则你不会熬夜到那么晚。
但是你必须选择合适的时间。
但我们很忙在服用那些无聊的类在白天。
然后你花整个晚上在玩游戏吗?
这就是为什么你认为这个类是无聊的。
你不能专心听讲在所有。
你玩太多。
——因为这些游戏的真正乐趣。
-是的。
玩时很有趣。
玩太多意味着你将要失败的考试。
-好的,好的。
我将去睡觉现在。

Money is not everything. There‘s Mastercard & Visa.
　　　　钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。
　　　　One should love animals. They are so tasty.
　　　　每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。

　　　　Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.
　　　　要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。
　　　　Love the neighbor. But don‘t get caught.
　　　　要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。
　　　　Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every　unsucce
ssful man, there are two.
　　　　每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个。
　　　　Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in li
fe.
　　　　再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。
　　　　The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise.
　　　　聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。
　　　　Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
　　　　成功是一个相关名词，他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚（联系）。
　　　　Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
　　　　不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。
　　　　Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
　　　　爱情就象照片，需要大量的暗房时间来培养。
　　　　Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause chil
dren.
　　　　后排座位上的小孩会生出意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。
　　　　“Your future depends on your dreams.“ So go to sleep.
　　　　“现在的梦想决定着你的将来”，所以还是再睡一会吧。
　　　　There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning
.
　　　　应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。
　　　　“Hard work never killed anybody.“ But why take the risk? “
　　　　“努力工作不会导致死亡！”不过我不会用自己去证明。
　　　　“Work fascinates me.“ I can look at it for hours! “
　　　　“工作好有意思耶！”尤其是看着别人工作。
　　　　God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.
　　　　神决定了谁是你的亲戚，幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地。
　　　　When two‘s company, three‘s the result!
　　　　两个人的状态是不稳定的，三个人才是！
　　　　A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restric
ting the view.
　　　　服饰就象铁丝网，它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看。
　　　　The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you f
orget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn.
　　　　学的越多，知道的越多，知道的越多，忘记的越多，忘记的越多，知道的越少，为什么学来着？

Answer 2

　　

　　歌德的容忍

　　一次，歌德正在魏玛一个公园的一条狭窄小道上散步。碰巧他遇见一个对他怀有敌意的评论家。两人都停了下来，彼此相互对视。接着评论家说道：“我从来不给傻瓜让路。” “可我给。”说完歌德退到了一边。

Cat and Mice猫和老鼠

　　Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.

　　" What's in your box?" asked the friend.

　　"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them."

　　"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.

　　"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.

　　猫和老鼠

　　布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。“盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。“一只小猫，”布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。“小猫也是假想的。”布朗夫人小声说道。

我在百度文库上找的，如果不够你可以搜索英文笑话哦

Answer 3

我是来打酱油的。。答案见楼下