Question

英语!英语作文问题.这是暑假作业,我写了几篇.希望大家能帮我指导与修改一下

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Answer 1

独怜海棠幽我心：今将上次答案又做了些许修改，供你参考：
回答：
首先应该肯定的是，你的两篇英语作文写得都很好！能够把自己的意思表达得准确而又清楚，用词较准确，标点符号也很规范，打字也很认真。看出来你是一个很认真，具有一丝不苟的学习精神的好学生。现将你信中有点疑问的几处地方列出来，并给出修改意见，谨供你参考，因篇幅关系，未能详细解释。若有疑问，欢迎追问！

另：1）在中级英语的学习中，应注意多用定语从句，可使句子言简意赅；
2）打字时，标点符号应紧跟在该单词之后，而不是在下一个单词之前；
3）平日最好多写此类短文与信件，然后请任课的英语老师给予批改，长此以往，你将会逐步地、更快地提高自己的英语水平！
A.
1）the situation is easy to change if you take my advice
似应改为：which is easy to change if you could take my advice(最好在此处使用非限定性定语从句，使句子更加紧凑)；
2）Here are some tips to help you
似应改为：of which here are some for you;
3）to increase opportunities to communicate with others
似应改为：to increase the opportunities to communicate(exchange) with each other;
4）learn to listen to other people's views
似应改为：learn to listen to the views of the others;
5）take your loneliness far away
似应改为：drive your loneliness away;
6）activities can make your life more interesting and colorful
似应改为：which could bring you more interesting and more colorful life!
7）OK. Don't worry...
似应改为：Ok, don't worry...
B.
1）Dear headteacher---应改为：Dear Mr./Miss/Ms,
说明：a) headteachers是“中小学的校长，中小学班主任”之意。英美人写信时一般是称呼其姓氏并在姓氏之前加Mr./Miss/Ms，而不是直接称呼为：headteacher；
b）若用headteacher，首字母须大写！
2）...you aren't allowed us...
似应改为：you don't allow us---you aren't allowed us：此处用被动语态是错误的；
3）We know what concerns you and other teachers is the unhealthy websites.
应改为：We know what you and the other teachers concern is the unhealthy websites.
4）useful study resources
似应改为：useful learning materials, 或 useful resources for studies;
5）to watch the news at home and abroad
似应改为：to learn(获悉) the news...
6）so that we broaden horizon---请参考以下内容：
so that we could expand our horizon;

so that we could have the wide vision;
broaden our view sight;
broaden our vision
widen our sight and richen our knowledge 开阔视野，丰富知识
so that it could help us to get wider perspective of the world;
7）as senior high school students
似应改为：as the senior high school students
8）I hope you can take my advice
似应改为：I sincerely hope that you would consider my suggestion;
It is appreciated greatly if you would be kind to consider my suggestion;
（给校长或老师写信，应特别注意，语气要委婉又有礼貌）

Answer 2

很不错啊，听通畅的，在第二段的 and at the same time,有点拗口，删掉and,或换成mean while 书信结尾加个时间就更完美了，这是个人见解

Answer 3

楼主作文相当好