Question

请英语大神帮忙看一下这段话有没有语法错误，谢谢！

As is portrayed in the first picture, a young man is a fan of Beckham,who witted Beckham’s name on his face to show his love to Beckham. What’s more,some people even cost 300 Yuan to have a same hair with their idol. Those thought-provoking photos should arouse deep concern in our current society.
What are the reasons behind the trend? Some individuals point out that they see their idol as a hero which they should learn form. Now something similarly could happen in schoolboys. In a study that will appear in Journal of Society,Peking Uniwersity reashers survived more than 2000 premery school students, the find that 67.6% of those surveyed said that: as a fans they always perches something about their idols. Over half of this students cost at least 300 Yuan a month to buy CD, T-shirt which have their idol’s name or photo on it and soon.
Hence, it is vital for us to take some effective actions. On the one hand, we should appeal to our governments and schools to educate citizens and children do not obsession idols. On the other hand, we should cultivate people’s sense that too much imitate idols will bring more harm than benefit.

Answer 1

存在很多问题~~~~ 你们说没问题的，要对别人负责

As is portrayed in the first picture, a young man is a fan of Beckham,who witted Beckham’s name on his face to show his love to Beckham.
此处有几个问题：
你想表达的意思是什么？因为我实在找不到一个合适的词语来翻译'wit'
是不是想说有个贝克汉姆的粉丝把贝克汉姆的名字纹在自己脸上？如果是的话，首先“纹身”要用'tattoo'，过去式是'tattooed'，它是及物动词，后加被纹身的对象；其次，强调的是“纹身”这一举动，所以语序应该是'As is portrayed in the first picture, a young man who is a fan of Beckham, tattooed his face with Beckham’s name to show his love to Beckham.’

What’s more, some people even cost 300 Yuan to have a same hair with their idol.
这里的问题是：
(1). cost 的用法
it cost sb. some time/money doing sth/on sth/on doing sth
或者 sth cost sb. some time/money
这里的话，根据你的语序应该用spend
(2). 不能说 same hair
same hair 是指同样的头发，也就是指贝克汉姆的头发。很显然，这里是指同样的发型，而不是头发
What’s more, some people even spent 300 Yuan on a same hair style as their idol's.

Those thought-provoking photos should arouse deep concern in our current society.
中文说“在现今社会”但是英文里不能这么表达；concern作为名词时通常要加s
Those thought-provoking photos should arouse deep concerns with us now.

What are the reasons behind the trend?
中文想表达“这种趋势背后的原因是什么？”英文不能这么说
其实就是很简单的一句：What caused this phenomenon? (是什么引起了这种现象？)
英文写作时切忌每句都用太深的词，该简单就要简单。

Some individuals point out that they see their idol as a hero which they should learn form.
'individual'是“个人，个体”的意思，腔调的是“单个”，这里用'people'就可以了
句中的'they'指代不明，可以让人理解成“粉丝”，也可以让人理解成'some people'
Some people point out that fans see their idol as a hero which they should learn form.

Now something similarly could happen in schoolboys.
修饰'something'要用形容词'similar'而不是副词'similarly'；后面介词用'among'
Now something similar could happen among schoolboys.

In a study that will appear in Journal of Society,Peking Uniwersity reashers survived more than 2000 premery school students, the find that 67.6% of those surveyed said that: as a fans they always perches something about their idols.
这句错得很远了~~~ 不仅语法、语序有问题，用词、拼写也错很多。用软件翻译的吧？
In an article published in Journal of Society (这份是什么报纸？你最好确认一下正确说法。), researchers from Peking University surveyed more than 2,000 primary school students and found that 67.6% of thses students had purchased something related to their idol.

Over half of this students cost at least 300 Yuan a month to buy CD, T-shirt which have their idol’s name or photo on it and soon.
'and soon'是想表达什么呢？ 其他部分改为：
Over half of these students spent at least 300 Yuan every month on CDs, T-shirts that with their idol’s name or photos on.

Hence, it is vital for us to take some effective actions.
'vital'虽然可以解释为“至关重要的，要紧的”，但是一般是指和生命有关的。这里可以用'important'或者'necessary'。如果你想用深一点的语法，可以写成：
Hence, it is high time we took some effective actions.

On the one hand, we should appeal to our governments and schools to educate citizens and children do not obsession idols. On the other hand, we should cultivate people’s sense that too much imitate idols will bring more harm than benefit.
(1).是'on one hand'不加'the'；况且这里用得很牵强
(2).中文里我们说“呼吁政府和学校”，但是实际上，“教育”就是“学校”的事情，和“政府”没关系的。'appeal'的意思偏向于法律方面的“申诉，上诉”不适用于这里
(3).崇拜、迷恋偶像是可以的，但是要有分寸，要有度
Our schools should tell the sudents not to be obsessed too much by their idols. The students must learn that over-imitation of their idols will bring them more harms than benefits.

Answer 2

既然看到了，就说两句吧——
1、英语，语言科学之一，要学就要学经典的措辞和语言，这样才能给人以美感。
2、这种美必须建立在字的本质理解、词的推敲和 必要的模仿，当然离不开背诵了。
3、上文的错误：same能用在这里吗? arouse未免太chinglish了吧？which应该是whom或者不用写吧？similar作为后置定语，修饰不定代词，something；而你similarly，有没有考虑过它们的感受？happen in schoolboys，应该是on吧?.....中间的就不看了。最后On the one hand?去掉the好点儿吧？do not 应该是not to do吧？imitate idols最好是 idols-imitating吧?

语法??！！离开了词法怎么混?
我的回答多为问号结尾，希望你能从心里做到句号。

Answer 3

没有语法错误，但是错别字有几个。

Answer 4

As is portrayed in the first picture, a young man is a fan of Beckham,who witted Beckham’s name on his face to show his love to Beckham. What’s more,some people even cost 300 Yuan to have a same hair with their idol. Those thought-provoking photos should arouse deep concern in our current society.

portray vt. 画像；描述；描绘；描画
请改为下面的

As is vividly portrayed in the first picture, a young man is a fan of Beckham who wrote Beckham's name on his face to show his affection to Beckham, what's more, some people even spend 300RMB (in) getting the same hairstyle with their idol 。Those thought-provoking photos should arouse a deep concern in the society of today .

Answer 5

没有，挺好的