Question

谁能帮我修改我的英语作文（初二）并评价一下，谢谢各位了。(修改时要写理由，为什么这样改？)

作文题：介绍你和你的好朋友;1.你和你的好朋友的外貌与性格2.你和你的好朋友的相同点和不同点3.可以适当拓展
我写的正文：

My friend and I

I have a good
friend who is a girl.A forteen-year-old girl named Maira.We are the same as
each other in some ways,but we also have some different ways.Now let me tell you
something about us.

I am as
outgoing as her, but she is more serious than me.She has longer hair than
me,but I have staright hair than her.We both like reading books and writing.We
always talk about writing.My hand was cut by a knife last year,and she made me
laugh and feel better.I was very moved by her behaviour.

Now she isn’t
my classmate,but we keep in touch with each other.I miss her very much.I think
she is my friend who is important in my life.
（格式有点问题，大家先这么看吧，抱歉啊）

Answer 1

我就改语法错误，结构上等其他方面得自己多积累
She has longer hair than me貌似这种说法不对，改称：her hair is longer than mine 估计会好点
but I have staright hair than her 改：but my hair is starighter than hers
中间说被小刀砍伤，可以再插一段你感觉到很痛很伤心之类的。然后再说她逗你笑可能会更好
I was very moved by her behaviour 有个典型的错误,VERY不能用来修饰动词！
可以改成： I was deeply moved by what she did.
文章中多次出现but，可以考虑用其他词语代替下，可用although（虽然，尽管），但不可和BUT同时出现
but we （still） keep in touch with each other 推荐加个STILL个人写作特别喜欢，只是个建议
I think she is my friend who is important in my life.个人感觉读起来怪怪的，想这样改
：i think she is _a_ friend who is important in my life 改动了一个冠词

希望对你有帮助

追问

She has longer hair than me这个结构是sb have/has ..... than ....
moved在这个句子里是“感动”的意思，其他的我会采纳，谢谢

追答

学习了吖,我也是才高一

追问

其实是我们老师上课喜欢上以后更多的知识点

Answer 2

My friend and I

I have a good
friend who is a forteen-year-old girl with the name of Maira.We are in common
in many ways,but we also have something different from each other .Now let me tell you
something about us.

I am as
outgoing as her, but she is more attentive than I am.Her hair is longer than mine
,but I have staright hair than her.We both like reading and writing.We
always talk about writing.My hand was hurt by a knife last year,and she made me
happy and feel better.I was moved by her behaviour.

Now she is not
my classmate any more,but we still keep in touch with each other.I miss her very much.I think
she is my friend who is the most important in my life.

Answer 3

forteen拼错了fourteen你打错了不？
She is my best friend......更好点吧

追问

你看的真仔细，谢谢