Question

这周考雅思！求各大神批改作文！就一篇而已，谢谢！TAT（可以的话给个分数再改耶.谢谢！！）

题目：Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?（减少语言对世界更好，同不同意）
我的作文：

In present society,some languages die out everyday because of lack of preservation. however, some people believe that it can make our world easier to be understood, as people can communicate much better. In my viewpoint, losing some languages, even are languages that spoken by least people, is not a good thing.

First of all, it is general that a language must as a link with its culture, so if we lose te languages, we might lose some important cultures. Language is playing an important role in one nation’s or a tribe’s culture, as it represents the civilization of the nation or the tribe. People create language according to their life situation and customs, as a result, if the language dies out, the relevant culture might also in danger.

In addition, language is a crucial tool for mankind to get to know about the world. Obviously, people use their language to communicate with foreigners and learn other languages from foreigners, which can promote the interaction and communication between different countries. For instance, Marco Polo who traveled to China long time ago, learnt Chinese well and then wrote a book about China, which just enabled people in other countries get to know much about China.
On the other hand, some people harbor the view that less languages in the world enables people to communicate easier, as people can spend less time on learning foreign language or it will be easier for translators. However, this is just a short-term view and will cause some long-term problems on mankind’s history and culture.
In sum, people should preserve different languages in the world, as they help human beings know each other as well as the world.

Answer 1

1. 题目改写问题，用词太多重复如die out可换成extinct/obsolete, easier to understood,这些没换词。。。可以考虑下换

2. least people其实可以换成别的词。。。或直接换成lesser-known languages.....

3. AS 这个词。。就用了3次（主要是句型没变换）。。。可以考虑下换回beacause,或者因果颠倒下用therefore/thus.

4. communcate easierly...这个也可以考虑换下。。那个easierly...

5. 然后那个however，后面说的会造成什么问题，最好也说一下。。。略讲也可以

6. different languages可以和language diversity交替来使用。。。。

   分数的话。。我很难说，如果没看到马可波罗那个例子，我会给5.5.。。。。不过有了的话。。估计是6或者6.5，具体就看别的部分你的阐述是否完整而且符合题意。

Answer 2

个人意见，谢谢

1. losing some languages, even are languages that spoken by least people, is not a good thing.
   are改成those 这里应该用同位语

2. it is general that a language must serve as a link with its culture,

   as前加serve好点

3. so if we lose te languages 应有拼写错误

4. the relevant culture might also be in danger.加be

5.  between different countries  between 改成among 不一定是两个国家间

6. enabled people in other countries  to get to know much  .... get前加to

   enable sb to do sth

7.  spend less time in  learning foreign   on改成in

8.  this is just a short-term view    short-term 改成myopic 不是短期的意思。。。

   总之，写得一般

   如有不妥之言，抱歉。

    

追问

可以给个分数咩~

追答

假设满分100的话，可以给60分

Answer 3

楼主，你好。雅思作文救星现在有一个免费的雅思作文批改体验的，我推荐你去看一下。