Question

帮忙给这篇雅思作文打个分！

题目忘了，大概就是modern technology和simple technology你更prefer哪个。达人帮忙评一下分呀~再改下错（单词拼写错误不算）.谢谢了！！会追加分的！！ Modern technology did change my life.In recent years,more and more people tend to enjoy a kind of so-called ‘high level civilization’ life which is fully filled with modern technology.But is it really reasonable to abandon the old things we once had to make our psat life a little easier?My point of view is absolutely not,for only when thchnology is simpler can we keep our mind moving,thus give us a wider space to do things by ourselves. Simple technology brings us enormous benefitwhich can not be replaced by those modern and complex technology.Firstly,when modern technology first came to our eyes,we may found it useful and convenient and felt like to get rid of our old lifestyle.For this reason,some of our culture will soon disappear and as long as modern technology continue to exsist and expense,our old culture will never back again.We should pay attention to this:some young people have already forgotten how to make fire and how to wash clothes,thanks to the cooker and the washing machine.Without these basic living skills,how can a man live alone if all the machines break down?Secondly,modern technology comes with pollution.I think nobady can bear the terriblr things that pollution brings to us.We shou make it clear that it is the modern technology that brings pollution to our daily life.Technology is developing,and so do the pollution situation.Let’s take some new-developed cas for example:when a new car is developed,an old generation will retire and that makes up a part of solid rubbish.When a new car boasts that it can go faster,it will surely use more petrol,thus cause a lot of air pollution which will do nothing good to people.Thirdly,modern technology makes people lazy.Can you image that when the housework is all done by machines,what will housewives do?According to a recent report,they prefer to stay in a coach and watch TV,in this way,more and more ‘coach potatoes’ are produced.The examples I have given but a few of the many that illustrate the cases that modern technology’s backdraw that harm us.although modern technology did improve our life,I prefer to live in a place where technology is sinpler.There we will no more be controled by the machines,where I can be a real human. 不胜感激！！！！！！！！！！

Answer 1

除去很多键盘误敲出的拼写错误
文中还有不少直观的拼写和语法错误
例如
1.exsist(exist)
2.new-developed(newly
developed)
3.backdraw(drawback）
4.when
a
new
car
is
developed,
an
old
generation
will
retire
and
that
makes
up
a
part
of
solid
rubbish（对比前后的被动和主动以及名词最好一致
到底想说car还是generation）
5.but
a
few
of
the
many
that
illustrate
the
cases(完全看不懂
另外这里只讨论一个问题，case必须单数）
6.There
we
will
no
more
be
controled
by
the
machines,where
I
can
be
a
real
human（你想说Therefore吗？这里where用的实在不好）
7.some
young
people
have
already
forgotten
how
to
make
fire
and
how
to
wash
clothes,
thanks
to
the
cooker
and
the
washing
machine(当thanks
to表示由于...的原因时必须放句子前面）
8.boast（boost)
最后对文章总体提点意见
1.段落层次不分明
2.主语最好一致
前面说I就一路I下去
不要I和we混用
3.最好给出具体例子
比如某某（一定要给出名字）由于过度依赖现代科技（写出依赖哪种具体科技）而自食其果（怎么样的悲惨后果，雅思作文忌讳只讲道理不给事例
我个人给5分
此文在实际考试中可得的分数会在4.5-5.5分波动