Question

英语有高中及以上水平的朋友请进来帮个忙

这里有篇介绍,请大家集思广益,帮忙改下,谢谢
Introduce Myself
Dear teachers and classmates,
Good morning! My name is Liweiyi; you also can call me Fat Li. I’m a sixteen-year-old boy Manchu. I’m from No.16 Middle School in huangshi. I’m interested in swimming and computer; of course I like to eat too.
When I start the high school life, I want to say,” Good start is half of success. Let’s cheer each other up, believe each other, have the beautiful future TOGETHER!

Answer 1

also can改成can also，also放在助动词后面。
不能在boy后单用manchu表示你是满族人，可改成Manchu boy或boy of the Manchu nationality。
I’m a sixteen-year-old boy Manchu. I’m from No.16 Middle School in huangshi.这两句可以合并，改成I’m a sixteen-year-old Manchu boy from the No.16 Middle School in Huangshi.
这个of course用得无厘头，你前文里没有显示出of course的理由，让人无法理解。可以去掉，改成and I like eating too.另外个人认为，好吃这个特点其实没有必要放在自我介绍里。
这里的when从句感觉上不太地道，其实现在就是高中刚刚开始，可以改成at the beginning of my senior high school life, I would like to exclaim(你愿意用say也行）。
Good start 没有冠词，最好改成A good start is half the success.
believe改成believe in，believe多就一个特定场合而言。
beautiful future前面最好改成一个a，因为这个美丽未来是未定的，并没有理由用the。
仅供参考，希望有用。

Answer 2

introduction of mine
My name is Liweiyi and you can also call me Fat Li.
I’m interested in swimming and computer and ,of course, eating.
at the begining of my high school life, i'd like to say "a good start is half of the success"
let's cheer up, ~~~~~~

Answer 3

you can also call me Fat Li.

I’m from the No.16 Middle School in Huangshi.

Of course, I like foods too.

A good beginning is half done.

believe in each other

Answer 4

Dear teachers and classmates,
Good morning! My name is Liweiyi; you can call me Fat Li. I’m sixteen-year-old. I’m from No.16 Middle School in huangshi. I’m interested in swimming and computer。
i believe Good start is half of success. Let’s cheer up and pursue the beautiful future together!
参考一哈哈哈

呵呵，楼下的更简洁。其实不用说那么多啦

Answer 5

同学加油吧！你的英文水平是有点···