Question

修改 文章

Outside the window of the household, light beams out from every family; inside the window of the household, candela is flickering. Sitting beside the huge glass window in my ‘home’, my eyes are fully occupied by the smiling faces which belong to the people inside the photo which I hold tightly by my hand. Tear trace dried on my cheeks, today is Chinese New Year as well as the Valentine’s Day. Everyone is celebrating, so do my parents----with their own lovers.

On the dining table there stands a bunch of daisy which I had only brought today. Mum used like to do this when I had the happy family. Once, I had a happy home which admired by all the friends. My mum was lovely and caring; my dad was gentle and knowledgeable, all of this was destroyed. Was it only because of the show which made mum famous? Mum started to come back late at night and usually absent at our weekly outing. I do not understand why all this happened. Mum, is that undertaking much important than the home you have built? In order to retaliate what mum had done, dad would came back at midnight with smell of alcohol all over the body. Slowly, exchange of harsh words replaced the tender laughter.

I could not believe that we, the most loveable family, had to meet on the court, and none of you wanted me anymore. Dad, have you forgotten the joy for just being a father?
Or mum you do not want the family you have built up once by yourself? I felt like a football, throw
可以帮我白文章修改一下吗？（用英文）

Answer 1

经本人修改如下所示，改得不好还请见谅。括号内为原文
Outside the windows of （原文为the household）houses, light beams

come out from every family; inside the windows of （the household）

houses, （candela）candles （is）are flickering. I sit (Sitting)

beside the huge glass window in my ‘home’, (my) eyes (are) fully

occupied by the smiling faces which belong to the people inside the

photo （which I hold tightly by）holding tightly in my hands. Tear

trace dried on my cheeks. Today is Chinese New Year as well as the

Valentine’s Day. Everyone is celebrating, so do my parents----with

their respective lovers.

On the dining table there stands a bunch of daisy （which I had only

brought）I bought right today. Mum used （like） to do this when I

had （the） a happy family. Once, I had a happy home which was

admired by all （the） friends. My mum was lovely and （caring）

tender; my dad was gentle and （knowledgeable） learned and all of

this was destroyed. Was it only because of the show which made mum

famous? Mum （started） began to come back late at night gradually

and usually absent from （at） our weekly outing. I （do） did not

understand （why） how all this happened. Mum, （is that undertaking

much important） was that of more importance than the home you

（have） had built? In order to retaliate against what mum had done,

dad （would） came back at midnight with （the smell of） alcohol

breath all over （the body）. （Slowly）Bit by bit, （exchange of

harsh words replaced the tender laughter） sharp remarks took the

place of joy and laughter.

I could not believe that we, （the most loveable family） who were

the most harmonious family, had to meet （on the） in court finally,

and none of you wanted me anymore. Dad, have you forgotten the joy

for just being a father? （Or） Mum, （you do not want the family you

have built up once by yourself） don’t you want the family anymore

to which you had devoted all yourself ? I felt like a football, being

（throw）kicked away.

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这里想说一下原文中Sitting beside the huge glass window in my ‘home’, my eyes are fully occupied by the smiling faces which belong to the people inside the photo which I hold tightly by my hand.这一句。这里有个高中生常犯的语法错误：分词短语的逻辑主语与主句主语不一致。怎么说呢？Sitting beside the window的是I，对吧？而occupied by photo的是my eyes。这就不对了吧，不能说My eyes sit beside the window吧？记得当年吴老师给我讲的一道题我印象深刻：Walking in the dark, I knocked down Schwarzinegger. 天很黑，我撞倒了施瓦辛格。是I在walk，所以walk的逻辑主语与I吻合了，这句子对了。如果说Walking in the dark, my eyes are like blind. 就不对了，这就变成了my eyes walk in the dark了。所以我把原句改为了I sit beside the window, eyes occupied by the photo，用的是独立主格这个语法结构。不知道我这样子说清楚没有~

======================================================================

改动过的文章，整理如下：

Outside the windows of houses, light beams come out from every family; inside the windows of houses, candles are flickering. I sit beside the huge glass window in my ‘home’, eyes fully occupied by the smiling faces which belong to the people inside the photo holding tightly in my hands. Tear trace dried on my cheeks. Today is Chinese New Year as well as the Valentine’s Day. Everyone is celebrating, so do my parents----with their respective lovers.
On the dining table there stands a bunch of daisy I bought right today. Mum used to do this when I had a happy family. Once, I had a happy home which was admired by all friends. My mum was lovely and tender; my dad was gentle and learned and all of this was destroyed. Was it only because of the show which made mum famous? Mum began to come back late at night gradually and usually absent from our weekly outing. I did not understand how all this happened. Mum, was that of more importance than the home you had built? In order to retaliate against what mum had done, dad came back at midnight with alcohol breath all over. Bit by bit, sharp remarks took the place of joy and laughter.
I could not believe that we, who were the most harmonious family, had to meet in court finally, and none of you wanted me anymore. Dad, have you forgotten the joy for just being a father? Mum, don’t you want the family anymore to which you had devoted all yourself? I felt like a football, being kicked away.

Answer 2

窗外的那一家，光束从每一个;内的窗口，家庭，坎德拉是闪烁。坐在旁边的巨大的玻璃窗旁 ，我的眼睛是完全占领的笑脸属于人们的照片，我紧紧地抓住我的手。泪迹湿了我的脸颊，今天是中国农历新年以及情人节。每个人都在庆祝，这样做我的父母----与自己的恋人。

对餐桌的立场有一群雏菊，我只带来了今天。妈妈用想这样做时，我有幸福的家庭。有一次，我曾经有一个愉快的家，其中钦佩的所有的朋友。我妈妈是可爱的和有爱心的;我爸爸是温柔和知识化，所有这一切都被摧毁。它不仅是因为该节目，使著名的妈妈呢？妈妈开始回来在深夜和通常缺席在我们每周的郊游。我不明白为什么这一切发生的事情。妈妈，是承诺了许多重要的，比你家已建立了？在为了报复什么妈妈做了，爸爸会回来，在午夜与酒精的气味，所有超过身体。慢慢地，交换了措辞严厉取代招标的笑声。

我简直无法相信，我们最可爱的家庭，必须符合对法院，并没有你想我了。爸爸，你忘记的喜悦，只是作为一个父亲呢？
或妈妈您不希望您的家庭建立了一次由您自己？我觉得像一个足球，扔

Answer 3

窗外的家庭，光束从每一个家庭;内的窗口，家庭，坎德拉是闪烁。坐在旁边的巨大的玻璃窗在我家' ，我的眼睛是完全占领的笑脸属于人民的内部照片，我紧紧地举行，由我的手。泪迹干我的脸颊，今天是中国农历新年以及情人节。每个人都在庆祝，这样做我的父母----与自己的恋人。

对餐桌的立场有一群雏菊，我只带来了今天。妈妈用想这样做时，我有幸福的家庭。有一次，我曾经有一个愉快的家，其中钦佩的所有的朋友。我妈妈是可爱的和有爱心的;我爸爸是温柔和知识化，所有这一切都被摧毁。它不仅是因为该节目，使著名的妈妈呢？妈妈开始回来在深夜和通常缺席在我们每周的郊游。我不明白为什么这一切发生的事情。妈妈，是承诺了许多重要的，比你家已建立了？在为了报复什么妈妈做了，爸爸会回来，在午夜与酒精的气味，所有超过身体。慢慢地，交换了措辞严厉取代招标的笑声。

我简直无法相信，我们最可爱的家庭，必须符合对法院，并没有你想我了。爸爸，你忘记的喜悦，只是作为一个父亲呢？
或妈妈您不希望您的家庭建立了一次由您自己？我觉得像一个足球，扔

Answer 4

括号里的是要被替换的，大概改了一下，有些改动很大，有些错误还没来得及改，先吃饭~~

Outside the window of the household, light beams out from every family; [(inside the window of the household,)]while inside, candela is flickering. Sitting beside the huge glass window [in my]at ‘home’, my eyes are fully occupied by the smiling faces [[which belong to]]of the people in the photo, holding tightly [by]in my [hand]s. Tear [[trace dried on my cheeks]]burst out my eyes, drop on those happy faces. Today is []the Chinese [New Year]Festival, [[as well as]] the Valentine’s Day as well. Everyone is celebrating, so do my parents, with their brand new lovers each.

On the dining table there stands a bunch of daisy which I [[only]] brought special, just for today. Mum used [like to]to like do this when I had the happy family. Once, I had a happy [home]family that admired by all[ the]my friends. Mum was lovely and caring; Dad was gentle and knowledgeable, all of this was destroyed. Was it only because of the show which made mum famous? Mum started to come back late at night and usually absent at our weekly outing. I do not understand why all this happened to me. Mum, is that undertaking much important than the [[home]]family you have built? In order to retaliate what mum had done, dad would came back at midnight with smell of alcohol all over the body. Slowly, harsh words replaced the tender laughter.

I could not believe that we, the most loveable family, had to meet on the court, and none of you wanted me anymore. Dad, have you forgotten all the joy [for]that [just]simply being a father?
Or mum, you do not want the family you have built up once []destroyedby [yourself]your own hands, []do you?
[[I felt like a football, throw]]I'm not a football, but you made me one.

Answer 5

when looking outside the window of this household, the light beams can be seen out from every family on the street. The candles are flickering as i am sitting beside the huge glass window in my ‘home’, fully ocupied by the photos in my hand.The smiling faces remained on the photo forever, yet dried tears left their traces on my cheeks.Today is Chinese New Year as well as the Valentine’s Day. Everyone is celebrating, so do my parents----with their own lovers.

On the dining table there stands a bunch of daisy which I had only brought today. Mum used like to do this when we lived together.(perhaps not happy, because it is very sacarstic in this sense).Once, I had a happy home which admired by all the friends-My mum was lovely and caring; my dad was gentle and knowledgeable. yet all of this is now destroyed(not was, as it refer to the present situation). Was it only because of the show which made mum famous? my mother soon started to come back late at night and was usually absent at our weekly outing. I do not understand why all this happened. Mother/mum,
is those taking more priorities (important is adjective, importance do not seem proper) when compare to the home you have built? to rataliate（not an order, can not use this linking word)what mum had done, dad would came back at midnight with smell of alcohol all over him. Slowly, exchange of harsh words replaced the tender laughter.

i still could not believe that we, as the once peaceful family will have to meet on the court one day.(loveable is when other people say about your family, normally in English, people rarely refer to their own family as "loveable"). None of you wanted me anymore.(i suggest you don't put this sentence in) Dad, have you forgotten the joy for just being a father? Mum, do you want to give up the family you have built up once by yourself? i felt like a football been thrown away.

有些地方不知道你的意思（第一段）， 无法改， 只能重组句型。