Question

请英语高手帮我点评这篇四级作文,

Answer 1

[ ...]里面的是增加的单词、句子
( ...)里面是更改过的单词、句子（语法或拼写错误）
里面是要删掉的单词、句子
【···】需要的时候,中文评论、解释
我把1-2句话隔成了一个段落是为了我修改方便（眼睛看的不会太累）,而并不是因为要分段的.
Talent Show(s) on TV
Nowadays,with the developing economy,more and more people [are] pay(ing) their attention to the entertainment [industry].
In this situation,all kinds of talent shows (have) appeared on TV.There are two reasons why talent shows (are being) so popular .【明白你是想说“以下···”,可是写英文文章的时候,如果要很舒服,很漂亮的,最好避开“请看以下几点”这样的句子】
First(ly),people (have became) richer so they have (enough) money [for] not only [food] and [shelter] ,but also [for] entertainment.
In the (modern) world,[people] work so hard to earn money that they need to relax themselves sometimes.The (recent) appearance of [various] talent shows fit their need(s)【如果光是“the appearance of...”的话,会以为是talent show的长相呢!所以我加了“recent”在前面,这样就表达清楚“（最近）talent show的出现···”的意思了!】.
Moreover,teens [today] are more interest(ed) in talent shows.They spend a lot of time on all kinds of shows.【不是很明白你说的“they are so active that they...”是想说他们很活跃吗?我觉得直接就说重点,“他们放很多时间看不通的节目”】
More and more teens are absorbed in [watching these] talent shows,[as a result,] (these) shows [are] be(ing) [increasingly] popular.【最好写作的时候不要重复同样的词好几遍,适当的时候要换词用噢!这样给人感觉你词汇量很大～】