Question

求求各位大侠帮我将这几段话翻译成英文，急！在线等（能翻译多少就多少，不过要完整）

需要翻译的有下面的这几个：（能翻译哪些就翻译）
除了外国人学中文的笑话，其实中国人也有学英语闹出的笑话。

1.牛哥学英语之直译篇
英语课上,老师问牛哥:"HOW ARE YOU 是什么意思?"
牛哥想:HOW是"怎么",ARE是"是",YOU是"你",于是回答:"怎么是你?"
老师一惊,旋即问道:"那HOW OLD ARE YOU 是什么意思?"
牛哥马上回答:怎么老是你?"
老师的教课书上顿时出现一片血红!!

2.牛哥学英语之听错篇
牛哥在一公交车上,不小心踩了人家老外一脚,牛哥很有礼貌地说:I AM SORRY!
老外也十分有修养:I AM SORRY TOO!
牛哥一听,怎么?那老外难道和我比数数!我还怕他不成.于是回敬道:I AM SORRY THREE!
那老外一听有些糊涂了:WHAT ARE YOU SORRY FOR?
牛哥想都没想就回过去一句:I AM SORRY FIVE.
牛哥洋洋得意之际,那老外晕倒在地,已然不省人事!

3.牛哥学英语之上班篇
牛哥的英语在刻苦学习下进步很快.对于英语的一些习惯用语也是尽在掌握中.很快就谋到了一个很不错的公司上班.一天,牛哥叫秘书转呈公文给老板:"报告老板,下个月欧洲有一批订单,我觉得公司需要派人去处理一下."老板在公文后面签下:"GO A HEAD!"牛哥收到后,马上指示下属买机票,拟行程,自己则整理行李.临出发那天,被秘书挡了下来.
秘书:你要去干什么?
牛哥:去欧洲开会啊!
秘书:老板同意了吗?
牛哥:老板不是对我说"GO AHEAD"吗?
秘书:来公司那么久,难道你还不知道老板的英文程度吗?老板的意思是:"去个头!"

4.牛哥小的时侯,家里开了家饭馆.牛哥是个出色的小招待员.一天,一位外国友人来到饭馆吃饭,由于不太熟悉中式的吃法,不小心将一只碗打破了.那个老外不太听得懂中文,只好用英文向牛哥作解释.牛哥那时侯哪听得懂啊!听得直皱眉头.这时从里屋传来牛爸爸的声音:"发生了什么事?"
牛哥赶紧回答:"碗打了!"
老外一听,"ONE DOLLAR?"以为是要他赔偿一美元,就伸手去掏皮夹子.
牛爸爸从里屋出来,问道:"谁打的?"
老外一听,不好,怎么又变成"THREE DOLLAR"了,但还是觉得能接受,准备付钱了!
牛哥指着老外说:"他打的!"
老外一听,不好,"TEN DOLLAR"这一下又涨到了十美元,这怎么得了,吓得赶紧往外跑!!

5.牛哥开一杂货店,一天一老外来买钢笔,对牛哥说:"Pen",牛哥拿一脸盆给老外,老外摇头说:"No No".牛哥生气的说:"这盆不漏!".老外只有对牛哥说:"Good-Bye",牛哥很牛的说:"你才古怪!"
以上是需要翻译的内容。
希望各位大侠出手相救，我要做幻灯片，所以需要这些中文的英文，明天这个幻灯片就要用了。我在线等，希望各位快点帮帮我，大恩不言谢！！！感激不尽！！！

Answer 1

1. Niu to learn English translation of the article
English classes, the teacher asked Niu: "HOW ARE YOU What does it mean?"
Niu like: HOW is the "how", ARE is "yes", YOU are "you" and then answered: "how are you?"
Surprised teacher was soon asked: "HOW OLD ARE YOU What does it mean?"
Niu immediately answered: how do you keep? "
The teacher textbooks appear immediately on a blood red!!

2. Niu's got it wrong to learn English papers
Niu in a bus, be careful not to step on the other foot foreigner, Niu said very politely: I AM SORRY!
Foreigners also have very good: I AM SORRY TOO!
A Niu, how? That foreigners do and I count more than! I am afraid he is not. Retaliate Road, then: I AM SORRY THREE!
That a foreigner, some confused: WHAT ARE YOU SORRY FOR?
Niu imagined back on the last sentence: I AM SORRY FIVE.
Niu triumphantly, that foreigners collapsed to the ground, has been unconscious!

3. Niu to learn English to work on the chapter
Niu's hard to learn English in the next progress soon. For some of the English language is under control in the habit. Soon to seek a very good company to work. One day, Niu called Secretary of the documents referred to the boss: "The report The boss, next month, a group of European orders, I think companies need to send people to deal with you. "Boss in the back of official documents signed:" GO A HEAD! "Niu received, immediately instructed subordinates buy air tickets, travel to, While finishing his luggage. Provisional starting that day, Secretary of the block down.
Secretary: Are you going to do?
Niu: At a meeting of the European ah!
Secretary: the boss agreed to it?
Niu: not the boss said to me, "GO AHEAD" it?
Secretary: to the company for so long, you do not know the owner of the English language it? Boss means: "to turn back!"

4. Niu times smaller, at home to open a restaurant at home. Niu is an excellent small greeter. One day, a foreign friend came to the restaurant to eat, because not very familiar with the Chinese eat, be careful not to a bowl Broke. That foreigners do not quite understand the Chinese, English had to explain to Niu. Niu which at that time Hou understand ah! Hear straight frown. Li Wu came from cattle at this time my father's voice: "What happened?"
Niu quickly replied: "hit the bowl!"
A foreigner, "ONE DOLLAR?" He thought it was necessary to compensation for a dollar, Qu Tao hand on the wallet.
Niu Li Wu from the father, asked: "Who?"
A foreigner, well, how they become "THREE DOLLAR", but do not think it is acceptable, ready to pay for it!
Niu, pointing to a foreigner, said: "He's playing!"
A foreigner, not good, "TEN DOLLAR" It also rose to about ten dollars, how it got scared quickly running out!!

5. Niu opened a grocery store one day a foreigner to buy a pen, Niu said: "Pen", Niu holding a basin to the foreigners, the foreigners said, shaking his head: "No No".'s Angry Niu said: " This basin does not leak!. "Niu said that only foreigners:" Good-Bye ", Niu Niu is to say:" You only weird! "
These are to be translated.
I hope that the errant shot saved, I do slide, so they need the Chinese and English, tomorrow will be spent this slide. On-line, and so I hope that you hurry up and help me, thank Dae self! ! ! Grateful! ! !