高三英语作文，请详细解答指出错误并改正，谢谢！
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As far as I am concerned, I can't agree with the ruler which is set in Guangzhou. In my opinion, I think too loud music is a noise.
In order that we can have a better body,
As far as I am concerned, I can't agree with the ruler which is set in Guangzhou. In my opinion, I think too loud music is a noise.
In order that we can have a better body,
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1，to dance to the loud music
2, (which has been ) drafted in Guangzhou
3, too loud music will create much noise. It will hurt people's hearing.
4, So in order to have a better and healthier life,
5, don't dance in public places with
2, (which has been ) drafted in Guangzhou
3, too loud music will create much noise. It will hurt people's hearing.
4, So in order to have a better and healthier life,
5, don't dance in public places with
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谢谢好评
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