求大神批改雅思8 test2大作文,谢谢

Thereisnodoubtthattechnologyhaschangedmanypeople’swaystointeractwitheachotherandinflu... There is no doubt that technology has changed many people’s ways to interact with each other and influenced relationships between people. Whether it becomes a positive or negative development has been discussed amongst people popularly. In my opinion, technology affects the categories of relationships positively.
Compared to the early time, the speed of communication has been increased significantly, especially for people with a long distance. Instead of writing letters, sending messages saves lots of time as replies can arrive immediately. It will be easier for people to maintain a close relationship because communications are more active and frequent than those in the past.
More communicating methods are developed to replace simple words used before simultaneously. People nowadays prefer images and voice messages because of convenience and accuracy. The pictures and voices will be more direct to describe meanings and feelings than words which helps connect people closer.
The range of interaction has been expanded worldwide with technology. With language translators, people from all over the world can interact with each other even though their languages are different. The relationships between worldwide people are becoming closer and closer because different cultures can be introduced and acknowledged during the process of communicating.
As relationships between people can be easily and effectively maintained, technology affects relationships affirmatively. The barriers between communications are evaporated by more advanced devices and applications. Not only do interactions become more convenient, but also more interesting. People are more willing to keep in touch with others as they enjoy the process.
In conclusion, technology improves the quality and effectiveness of interactions which affects relationships positively. With the influence of advanced technology, people are combined easier and closer.
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和与忍
2021-10-28 · TA获得超过7563个赞
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1.第二行ways to interact要改成ways of interacting.

2. 第五行popularly一词使用不当,建议看一下它的英英释义,以清楚怎么用。可以将has been discussed…popularly改成has been a hot topic… .

3.下一句没看懂想要表达什么意思,如果不是强调对人与人之间关系类型/分类 的影响,建议不要使用category(这词很“大”!),不如改成通俗的different kinds of.

4.第二段开头compared to应改成compared to that in early time,因为比较的不是时间而是速度。

5.第二段第三行for people应改成between people. 下一句sending massages意思含糊,因为写信也是传递信息的方式,应放一个类似via handset/mobile phone的后置定语。后面的replies使用也欠妥,因为交流迅捷不止回复一方面,质询的那方面不能丢。

6.第二段中间It will be easier…存在两个问题:①it指代不清;②will be时态不好,应改成is. 段尾than those in the past可以在than前加一个后置定语now,然后改成对时间的比较,即now than in the past,这样就明确了前面的more active and frequent是现在的情况.

7.第三段第一句意思表达不是很清楚,我的话会使用muti-demensional methods以便与simple words相对应,simultaneously我会去掉(即使用也会用at the same time或用meanwhile至句首)。

8.下一句because of后面一定要加定冠词the的,因为是特定的。

9.下一句describe使用6欠佳,其意思是“描述/描绘”,用在pictures and voices可以“表达、展现”上不如express/show更合适;本句后面的限制性定语从句应改成非限制性定语从句,which才好指代其前面的整个部分,即which前要加逗号。

10. 第四段第一句中worldwide与with technology位置要对调,理由相信题主清楚。

11. worldwide people应改成people worldwide,worldwide作定语须后置!

12. 最后一句中the process of后面须紧跟一个fast甚至是ever fast,宜将communicating改成communications,即最好改成the process of ever fast communications. 另一修改建议:将because…communicating改写成

due to the fast cultural exchanges between nations via telecommunication.

13. 倒数第二段第二句中的between应改成in. 通篇多处使用between的地方都需要再斟酌。evaporated一词使用不当,建议改成removed/eliminated

题主的语法、词汇功底深厚,唯措辞的准确使用略显不足,特别对“大词”的使用需要谨慎。在我看来,“大词”非到点睛之处不宜使用,不用则已,一用则“一鸣惊人”。

以上拙见未必妥当,欢迎指正。

匿名用户

2021-10-27
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在那些不必要使用冗长复合句的场合,切忌使用;②词汇的使用也不是越“大”越好,在那些用“大众词汇”足以将意思表达清楚的地方,最好避免使用“大”词。比如to e...
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