Question

请高手帮忙修改一篇雅思作文！最好给个分数，下个月我就考试了，先谢过了！！

请高手帮我修改一篇雅思作文并给评估个分数？下个月我就考试了，先谢过了！！
task:
More and more people use the mobile phone or computer to communicate, and no longer write letters to each other. Some people think the skills of letter writing will soon disappear completely. Do you agree or disagree? How important do you think letter-writing is?

anwser:
In this day and age, mobile phones and computers are increasingly used all over the world, and play an imperative role in our society, communication has become simple by using this technology. But at the same time, controversy has letter writing is better able to solve problems. Some people assert the skill of writing will go extinct immediately. Speaking for myself, I believe their view is somewhat overly simplistic.

It is evident that in terms of information technology’s convenience and speediness advantage, the widespread use of mobile phones and computers may enhance the working efficiency. For one thing, cell phones and computers are less time-consuming and more economical. For instance, skipping the news, renewing the blog and even texting messages can afford people entertainment and relax their bodies and ease their minds, which promotes the mutual feelings and trusts. Furthermore, generally speaking, mobile phones and computers are ampler than their counterparts. Obviously, they can support for its pros from human beings and fund to develop themselves from the government while the letter-writing is being neglected. Above all, the new technology has the abundant resources to offer the mankind better inquiry. Specifically, cell phones and computers can never contaminate the environment, which greatly make the society more modernization.

On the other hand, I suppose that letter writing is a cultural heritage, which handed down by the ancestor and widely used from the ancient times. It is a traditional method and the main way to convey the information that we cannot deny. Clearly, that the skills of letter-writing, bring an important effectiveness and play a dominate role in the past. As a result, it is irreplaceable and continuous afford its actions up to now.

To conclude, I would say that modern technologies helps human beings to ease many physical and psychological burdens, still I firmly believe that handwriting may has some advantages in deal with communications in the undeveloped areas. Therefore, humanities should preserve the cultural identify safe and stable.

Answer 1

5.5,因为题目的重点是要你讨论书信，但你又很大一部分篇幅写的是电脑和书信。我认为你应该在紧扣书信的同时，顺便拿电脑和书信作比较。一般雅思的审题，你要看后面部分，那才是讨论重点。不过语言还是很流畅的。

Answer 2

不用修改了