Question

请有耐心的高手帮我评改一下这篇雅思作文，并估个分，谢谢

There has long exsisted a discussion on whether it is worth spending taxpayer’s money on the arts. Some people believe that art works such as paintings and sculptures are useless to public in terms of the fact that they have nothing to do with some projects which are closely related to people’s daily life, namely eliminating poverty, protection of environment. In principle, however, I approve of those spending on art works which enjoy the same priority as those above.
To begin with, citizens can cultivate the sense of beauty which normally stems from the clear understanding of art. Without art works, a increasing number of people may sit in front of television waiting for the soap opera or immerse themselves into some other unfavourable hobbies instead of enhancing personal cultivation by enjoying art works.
Furthermore, we can hardly lose the sight of the fact that every country prides itself on the glory of its achievement in art. Citizens will strengthen social responsibility when they are proud of its own country which can do much favour in building the solid foundation of the nation and establishing a stable society.
In addition, those who maintain that the spending in art is inferior to the investments in other crucial fields lay too much emphasize on the economics. It sounds a grain of truth, however, we have to admit that some countries ,especially poor ones, may have difficulty spending a large sum of money in this respect but they are able to organize a fundraising activities, so that wealthy members of society can devote money to the art field.
To sum up, it is the governments that plays a vital role in building a positive atmosphere of art by giving a direct or indirect economic support, thus resulting a prospers in art. Citizens are entitled to enjoy them and proud of them. We may divide the culture into tow classes, one is called science, another is arts, both of them are worth incubating.

Answer 1

好像我跟你的思路有些不同，供你参考噢。。
你的也很不错，一个小小的疑问是：
你第一段里写的，艺术作品不能消除贫穷，不跟改善环境，但是在你的论证里面却没有解释你的反对意见，是不是减弱了一些说服力呢？建议啊，呵呵～～
最后一段我个人觉得写得很好，所以照抄啦。。。你也可以再提意见哈。。

---Spending taxpayer's money on the arts has been controversial for quite a long time,people have different opinions,worthy or not?
Some people take granted that art works such as paintings and sculptures have nothing to do with some projects which are closely related to people’s daily life.But I stay oppositely.

---To begin with, citizens can cultivate the sense of beauty which normally stems from the clear understanding of art. The art works also can widen our view allover the world,taking us to the places which are far away in our dreams,giving us the happiest feeling on beautiful flowers,butterflies,rainbow...How can we resist to keep arts away from us? We can shine with happy moode brought by the charming art works..How gray will it be in front of our eyes if the art works go away?

---Furthermore, the glory of art achievement is the pride of every country,all the art works prsent us the wisdom of the historical and modern generations,they are the spirit wealth with creative and opening or deep thinkings which have much to do with our personal character development,great minds think alike, if all the people in country have great mind, how great the country will be?

To sum up, it is the governments that plays a vital role in building a positive atmosphere of art by giving a direct or indirect economic support, thus resulting a prospers in art. Citizens are entitled to enjoy them and proud of them. We may divide the culture into tow classes, one is called science, another is arts, both of them are worth incubating.

Answer 2

没人回答啊?!^