Question

急！代求翻译！翻译成英文，不要用翻译软件，语法尽量通顺

《谈礼貌》
刘：现在提倡呀讲礼貌。
董：这才和咱们这个文明国家相称。
刘：比如说我见着您了，我得跟您这么说话。
董：怎么说呀？
刘：同志劳驾，我跟您打听点事。
董：你瞧这多客气呀。有什么事，你就说吧。
刘：我跟您问一个人。
董：你要问谁呀？
刘：我问的这个人呀，长的是高大魁梧、浓眉大眼，听说是位学生。
董：你说的这人叫什么名字呀？
刘：他叫董烁。在您这学校吗？
董：哦，在在在。
刘：您给我请出来，我跟他见见面，谢谢您呀。
董：别谢了，我就是。
刘：您就是董烁同志，太抱歉了，这么半天没看出你，对不起呀！你听这话你心里怎样？
董：我听着舒服，这话多谦虚多客气呀。
刘：你看看，抱歉、对不起、谢谢、您、请。要是换一种说法，没有这些客气话，你听着你心里不是滋味。
董：那怎么说呢？
刘：就这么说。嘿！我说。
董：这叫什么称呼呀。
刘：我跟你打听个人。
董：你要问谁呀？
刘：这个人长的比武大郎高一点，脑袋跟茶盘子似的，听说是个学生。
董：叫什么名字？
刘：大伙叫古董呀。
董：还说别人外号。我就是，有什么事吗？
刘：你就是！别逗了。
董：什么叫别逗了。有什么事吗？
刘：有事呀，没事能找你吗？
董：有事你就说吧。
刘：别说了，说了两头都不乐意。说什么呀？
董：有事就说吧
刘：我说你，别笑，一笑比骷髅还难看。
董：喝！
刘：干吗呀这样。回头你气病了，还不愿意告诉我，傻老爷们。

Answer 1

我试试吧，希望不是很走火……不过应该是很走火…… 不好翻啊……
《谈礼貌》 Speaking of Politeness
刘：现在提倡呀讲礼貌。
LIU（L）：Nowadays we are encouraged to be polite.
董：这才和咱们这个文明国家相称。
DONG（D）：It sorts with this nation with a splendid civilization.
刘：比如说我见着您了，我得跟您这么说话。
L: For instance, I meet you and chat with you.
董：怎么说呀？
D: In what kind of tone?
刘：同志劳驾，我跟您打听点事。
L: Excuse me Comrade. May I inquiring something from you, please?
董：你瞧这多客气呀。有什么事，你就说吧。
D: You stand on ceremony. Yes? Ask whatever you'd like to know.
刘：我跟您问一个人。
L: Could I ask something about one person here?
董：你要问谁呀？
D: Who's he then?
刘：我问的这个人呀，长的是高大魁梧、浓眉大眼，听说是位学生。
L: Speaking of this person, he is tall and sturdy, with thick brows and big eyes. I heard that he is a student.
董：你说的这人叫什么名字呀？
D: What's the name of that man?
刘：他叫董烁。在您这学校吗？
L: He is called Dong Shuo. Is he in your honored school?
董：哦，在在在。
D: Oh, yeah.
刘：您给我请出来，我跟他见见面，谢谢您呀。
L: Could you please help me ask him out to meet me? I really appreciate your efforts.
董：别谢了，我就是。
D： You are welcome. I am the very one.
刘：您就是董烁同志，太抱歉了，这么半天没看出你，对不起呀！你听这话你心里怎样？
L：You are Comrade Dong Shou? I'm so sorry for failing to recognize you just now. So, what do you think when you heard those?
董：我听着舒服，这话多谦虚多客气呀。
D: I feel comfortable. How modest and mannerly!
刘：你看看，抱歉、对不起、谢谢、您、请。要是换一种说法，没有这些客气话，你听着你心里不是滋味。
L: Let's see, excuse me, pardon me, thanks, honored you, please. If we change the tone, cancel those words expressing politeness, you may listen with a bad mood.
董：那怎么说呢？
D: How it goes?
刘：就这么说。嘿！我说。
L: Let's see. Hey! Say what.
董：这叫什么称呼呀。
D: How it can be called like this way?
刘：我跟你打听个人。
L: I wanna ask you about one chap.
董：你要问谁呀？
D: Who do you want to ask about?
刘：这个人长的比武大郎高一点，脑袋跟茶盘子似的，听说是个学生。
L: This guy is just a little bit higher than the dwarf Wa Dalang, with a plate-like head. Someone say he is a student.
董：叫什么名字？
D: What's his name?
刘：大伙叫古董呀。
L: Fellows call him as Outdated Dong.
董：还说别人外号。我就是，有什么事吗？
D: You even call him with his nickname. I am the very Outdated Dong. How?
刘：你就是！别逗了。
L: You are? No kidding.
董：什么叫别逗了。有什么事吗？
D: What do you mean by no kidding? You have something to say?
刘：有事呀，没事能找你吗？
L: Of course. How can I visit one without anything?
董：有事你就说吧。
D: Then what?
刘：别说了，说了两头都不乐意。说什么呀？
L: Well, nonsense, it's bad for both sides. How to say then?
董：有事就说吧
D: Go ahead if you really have something necessary to say.
刘：我说你，别笑，一笑比骷髅还难看。
L: You fish, don't smile any more! Your smile is uglier than a skull.
董：喝！
D: Ummmm!
刘：干吗呀这样。回头你气病了，还不愿意告诉我，傻老爷们。
L: Don't perform like that. You'll sulk to illness, and shy away from telling me, you fool.