Question

高手请帮我改改托福作文，谢谢啦。

Some people perfer to enjoy a steady way .while others believe live with changes not only can get new experiences, but can know the essential of life as well .when faced with the decision of living stay the same and living with changes.quite a few would deem that they do not look forward to change their usual habits.But others,in contrast. Believe enjoy change as the premier choice and that is also my point .there are numerous reasons why I would like to choose it ,and I would explore only a few of the most important ones here.
“Life was like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get”, such is the remark of living with change ,for no one knows what will happen .
The main reason for my propensity for existence is that I like do many things which I never heard for my curiosity . In my opinoin ,life should in technicolor.for instance, a person ,who like sleeping after working without exercise ,day after day , the may be a problem for one . and meanwhile he/she will know how boring life she/he spend.
The second reason can be seen by every person that to live remains an art which must be learned by everyone ,and which no one can teach. So life is uncertain. Everone has only to enjoy their existense to do other exciting things ,which can cultivate them to live with passion and happiness.for example, I am always dealing the same thing, in actuality, it fails to fascinate me , and I feel something are lacikng even though I can master it .out of the blue,I find another job which can not only provide me high wages and also offer many things which can appeal to me.
In addition, there reason are slao usable when we consider that we are what we do .
In a word ,people enjoy thier life in a unsteady way , making an attempt to do the things which they never do,and always challenged themselves, can be an improvement of their life .Taking into account of all these factors, we may reach the conclusion that live with change is a significant part in our daily life.
问题是some people enjoy change ,and they look forward to new experiences. others like thier lives to stay the same ,and they do ont change their usual habits.compare these two approaches to life ,which approach doyou prefer explain why

Answer 1

看图片，这是WORD自动订正的效果。我说话不好听啊，担待着点。

红的是拼写，用词不准确之类的错误。绿的是句子之间连接的问题（是否应该空格，大写什么的）除了你引用的FORREST GUMP里面的那句话，那个是对的。

1、拼写错误。

2、句子结束之后直接加符号，空一格起下一个句子。你正好反了。

3、不要以为使用高级词汇会很好，相反用错了会扣分。如technicolor

4、新的句子开头大写，那些个for example，都已经是新起的句子了。

5、你写的太过于随性，口语化。

6、与SAT作文不同，没什么必要引用别人说的话，或者是小说剧情，浅一些的例子足够。

7、段与段之间分隔要明确。一般为五段，也可以四段。

以上是基础的错法，框架上面。

呃，很难说啊也很难改，因为总体上面的框架就不对，一般来讲呢，TOEFL作文结构是这样的。

第一段开头，引领全文。第一句话简单介绍一下背景，要与论题有关系。第二句话换一种方式重述一下问题。第三句话写出你的观点，最好在末尾表明你在下面几段中要从哪几个方面来论证你的观点。你举例子了，但是只是在瓶子的盖子那里，要把手伸到瓶子里，然后摸到底儿才行！

第二段到第四段是文章的主体，每一段一个论点，最好是能够层层铺垫。每段一般五句话到七句话，要用高级句子。把例子说明白，不要浅显的像是校长开大会说的话一样= =

最后一段总结，把上面主体的内容再换一句话说出来，之后在展望一下未来就好了，一般在三句话到五句话之间。

文章内容上的改动啊，我觉得可能要重新写一下。因为看上去就像乱麻在一起缠着，乱糟糟的。

你的论点是：你喜欢丰富多彩的生活，单一的生活很无聊；生活本身就具有一种不稳定性，所以（？）人们要过快乐的生活？直接的逻辑关系没有建立起来；第三个例子，呃，如果一段只有一句话，你可以把它和上面一段并起来，字数太少的话，没必要独立成段。而且没说明白。

总体上看上去就是那种想写论点，又找不到论点只能凑字的感觉，如果说写这样的题的话，你从正的方面说不全，就马上打到反的方面去，比如说你支持多变的生活，那你就说不多变的生活不好。

打个比方，你可以有这样的论点：1、有变故的生活好啊，因为这样很刺激，刺激的生活能够锻炼人的适应能力从而更加适合生存在这个充满竞争的世界里。2、变故的生活让人觉得开心，你喜欢变故的生活，比如说你可以接触到不同的东西，blablabla……3、固定的生活太无聊了，没有新意，没有冒险，整天死气沉沉，容易让人堕落颓废。

举个例子而已，我建议你多看看TOEFL ESSAY的例文，能对思想还有写作模式有很大的帮助。^_^

Answer 2

compare with.

Answer 3

你的用词太简单了

Answer 4

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Answer 5

Some people perfer to enjoy a steady way .while others believe live with changes not only can get new experiences, but can know the essential of life as well .when faced with the decision of living stay the same and living with changes.quite a few would deem that they do not look forward to change their usual habits.But others,in contrast. Believe enjoy change as the premier choice and that is also my point .there are numerous reasons why I would like to choose it ,and I would explore only a few of the most important ones here.
“Life was like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get”, such is the remark of living with change ,for no one knows what will happen .
The main reason for my propensity for existence is that I like do many things which I never heard for my curiosity . In my opinoin ,life should in technicolor.for instance, a person ,who like sleeping after working without exercise ,day after day , the may be a problem for one . and meanwhile he/she will know how boring life she/he spend.
The second reason can be seen by every person that to live remains an art which must be learned by everyone ,and which no one can teach. So life is uncertain. Everone has only to enjoy their existense to do other exciting things ,which can cultivate them to live with passion and happiness.for example, I am always dealing the same thing, in actuality, it fails to fascinate me , and I feel something are lacikng even though I can master it .out of the blue,I find another job which can not only provide me high wages and also offer many things which can appeal to me.
In addition, there reason are slao usable when we consider that we are what we do .
In a word ,people enjoy thier life in a unsteady way , making an attempt to do the things which they never do,and always challenged themselves, can be an improvement of their life .Taking into account of all these factors, we may reach the conclusion that live with change is a significant part in our daily life.