Question

求对一篇英语演讲稿的一些意见

因为参赛限时三分钟，结尾很草。希望大家给点意见，将语言改得更生动一些，或指出一些语法错误，谢谢。

In December 1898, thanks to the effort of the Hundred Days Reform ,Peking University was established in Beijing. The new era of modern education system finally came to this ancient and magnificent land. It was the best of time, it was the worst of time, it was the age of faith and eagerness , it was the age of academic freedom. It was the best of time, because of academic freedom , Countless of famous faculties, remarkable scholars and brilliant scientists have emerged and gone through the current of time, because of academic freedom ,the campuses of universities became a sacred place where these thirsty minds could pursuit for knowledge and truth , a peaceful place where different opinions could exist in harmony, a righteous place where upright professors and honest students could stand up and call on peace and democracy out of their conscience and patriotic hearts. it was the worst of time, universities in china couldn't become better because of the tyranny and wars .
In the year 1949 the communists founded people republic of china , once they did give us citizens hope , but it was a hope consisted of lies and falsehoods , and the truth is , China has never enjoyed real academic freedom since 1949, not even during more recent decades in which the government has carried out economic reform. Universities have already become a tool ,a machine to control free thoughts and minds . No more freedom of speech, because all kinds of methods are being used to restrict free expression, no more freedom of demonstration , because cold-blooded tanks will run over innocent students . No more thoughtful students , we are all forced to have too many brain-washing courses. No more creativity scholars, they are all pretty busy plagiarizing academic theories. No more respectful administrators , because they are all so deeply wrapped up in climbing the ladder of political status. No more academic freedom , it has been buried with the glorious history and great achievement which those universities in this tragic country once all had.
But I do believe, although I don't expect to have the opportunity to witness, that this situation will be changed ,the brightness of liberalization will once again light up the path, academic freedom will once again shepherd us through the valley of darkness , as long as we still have conscience and faith.

Answer 1

语法上好多错误（特别多comma slice,就是该分新句子的时候本该用period却用了comma)。

例如，It was the best of time, it was the worst of time, it was the age of faith and eagerness , it was the age of academic freedom.

这是四句话，必须4个句号。非要写在一起的话

It was the best of time and also the worst of time. ( best of time?? best time??)
It was the age of faith and eagerness and also the age of academic freedom.

再比如这个
It was the best of time, because of academic freedom , (that) Countless of famous faculties, remarkable scholars and brilliant scientists have（had?) emerged and gone through the current of time. (It was the best of time, )because of academic freedom , (that) the campuses of universities became a sacred place where these thirsty minds could pursuit for knowledge and truth , a peaceful place where different opinions could exist in harmony, (and) a righteous place where upright professors and honest students could stand up and call on peace and democracy out of their conscience and patriotic hearts.

（我跳着读的，中间自己想办法吧）
In the year 1949 像这种东西直接in 1949更好听

In 1949， the communists founded (P)eople (R)epublic of (C)hina , once they did give us citizens hope. (However,) it was a hope consisted of lies and falsehoods , and the truth is that China has never enjoyed real academic freedom （true academic freedom? real是指现实的) since 1949, not even during (the) more recent decades in which the government has carried out economic reform.（逻辑上是不是怪怪的，since 1949就代表到现在，干嘛还要not even，但非要强调的话 .... ）

(这也是很严重的语法错误）
(With) No more thoughtful students , we are all forced to have too many brain-washing courses. (With )No more creativity scholars, they are all pretty busy plagiarizing academic theories....

或者这样可能好听点，Without thoughtful students any more, we are all forced...
还有小错误像creativity scholars,应该是creative scholars.这样小错误我没有一个个看，你自己认真检查吧

But I do believe, although I don't expect to have the opportunity to witness, that this situation will be changed （。）The brightness of liberalization will once again light up the path,（and） academic freedom will once again shepherd us through the valley of darkness , as long as we still have conscience and faith.

感觉这篇文章完全是用中国语法写的。英文句子要想写的好听，长句子是必然要的，但更要注意有长有短，比如2长一短，这样读起来会比较流畅。

PS:很多句子我都跳过了没读

Answer 2

我是不敢评价，水平太高了，你是英语专业的吧。

Answer 3

Well done