Question

求大神批改雅思作文！！谢谢谢谢谢谢！

求大神批改雅思作文！！谢谢谢谢谢谢！There is no doubt that advertisements are becoming more and more popular in our daily life.Some people argue that advertising makes us similar to each other and misleads us to lose our personalities.I am completely disagree with this opinion.
It is undeniable that advertising aims to introduce a specific product and attract customers to buy the product.Sometimes advertisers utilize skills and techniques to lead customers to the particular thinking pattern which can induce them to purchase.Customers may generate the idea that only by possessing the given products such as the famous cosmetics or the specific brand of clothes，they can be more attractive and praud.This is especially time for teenagers.
However，the opinion is superficial and the argument overstates the negative influence of advertising.Although advertisers mean to influent the way people think and choose a product，it will not be a permanent impact on people's behaviours.If people find that products introduced in advertisements are not satisfactory enough，they will ignore the advertising and never buy the goods again.
What's more，advertising provides customers with a wide variety of commodities to choose from.Young people can pick clothes from a large number of brads to be more stylish and fashion.Women can select cosmetics which are suitable for themselves.In addition，in order to be more competitive，manufacturers would try their best to improve the quality of their products.As a consequence，customers can be served more and better goods.
In conclusion，although advertising can affect the way people think，it will not be a long-term influence.It is impossible to prevent people from being different individuals.On the contrary，advertising makes the social life more colourful and abundant.

Answer 1

第一段最后一句是不是应该写得客观一点，比如This essay will ...已经很久没接触雅思了，感觉还是像5分的作文。多背些写作常用单词，多练习这些单词的各种形态和词组。想想小学时造句造了多少，英语也得这样多学多练。

追问

好的，谢谢您

追答

祝你好运。