Question

英语好的进！【请】修改 我的【四级作文】~~高分哦

请帮我指正一篇英语作文，水平大概是大学四级

题目 should parents be reponsible for children's crimes?
中文：1.青少年犯罪成为社会焦点 父母应该负责
2.父母应该负责的原因

我限时写的，字数正好。毛病很多，见谅

Children's crimes is becoming a serious social problem. Almost every school has different

degree of school violence. Should their parents have no responsibility for children's

crimes? Of course not. Parents must educate their children except feeding them.
Why parents is responsible？（想不出更好的了）First, they don't give their children a lesson

about law. It would be their whole life shame and dirty pot if they crime. Secondly, there

are no efficient communications. (缺乏有效的沟通，好像太中国英语了，不地道) Youngsters must

be very(可以换什么成熟的漂亮又不做作的词儿) nervers at the first time they crime.

unfortunately， their parents don't realize. Third, there is a special situation that is

parents are not good models(好榜样). Wagering,lying and using violence is usually acting on

their children.
The solution to solve the problem is start with parents. Their responsibility is not just

feed children up, Whatmore important is to make their children become lawful and justice

people.(这段最后写的乱着急的 整体不好 但现在也想不出别的了！)

帮帮忙一：括号里就是我自我感觉不佳的地方。请修改~
帮帮忙二：想必您比我专业百倍，请赐教！！我必定虚心接受~~
帮帮忙三：我这水平四级有戏麽？我很紧张
我相信回答我的都是真心想帮人的 不是骗分的 你们太了不起乐啦！！！

Answer 1

Children's crimes is becoming a serious social problem. Almost every school has different

degree of school violence. Should their parents have no responsibility for the children's

crimes? Of course not. Parents must educate their children except feeding them.
There are several reasons why parents are responsible for children's crimes.First, they don't give their children a lesson

about law. It would be their whole life shame and dirty pot if they crime. Secondly, there

are no efficient way of communication (缺乏有效的沟通，好像太中国英语了，不地道) Most of the time youngsters must

be very(可以换什么成熟的漂亮又不做作的词儿) nervers when they first crime.

Unfortunately， their parents don't realize this. Third, there is a special situation that is

parents are not good models(好榜样). Wagering,lying and using violence are usually acted on

their children.
The solution to solve the problem is start with parents. Their responsibilities are not just

feed children up, what's more,are to make their children become lawful and justice

people.(这段最后写的乱着急的 整体不好 但现在也想不出别的了！)

Answer 2

1。Almost every觉得重复得很，你想说的是差不多每一个学校吗，就用其中一个比较好。
2。for there are three reasons
3.the parents rarely have communication with their children.
4.nerver---nervous,我觉得这句可以了
5。set a good example to kids
6.后面把justice people改为justcial
后面不用再很大的改动了
PS：论点不是很有说服力

Answer 3

Children's crimes is becoming a serious social problem. Almost every school has different

degree of school violence. Should their parents have no responsibility for the children's

crimes? Of course not. Parents must educate their children except feeding them.
There are several reasons why parents are responsible for children's crimes.First, they don't give their children a lesson

about law. It would be their whole life shame and dirty pot if they crime. Secondly, there

are no efficient way of communication (缺乏有效的沟通，好像太中国英语了，不地道) Most of the time youngsters must

be very(可以换什么成熟的漂亮又不做作的词儿) nervers when they first crime.

Unfortunately， their parents don't realize this. Third, there is a special situation that is

parents are not good models(好榜样). Wagering,lying and using violence are usually acted on

their children.
The solution to solve the problem is start with parents. Their responsibilities are not just

feed children up, what's more,are to make their children become lawful and justice

people

Answer 4

我写的看看，有中文。大概意思没变
Children of crime is becoming a serious social problem. Almost every school has a different degree of school violence. Crime and the parents of children not related to you? Of course not. Parents to educate their children in addition to their crime. Why do parents responsible for children? First of all, they did not condone their children, if this is not the case, then it will be ashamed of their whole life. Secondly, there is no effective communication. Young people must account for the first time offenses. Unfortunately, their parents do not know. Third, there is a special case, this is not a good model of their parents (a good example). Gambling, lying and the use of violence is usually the solution to solve the problem. Responsibility for their children is not only feeding, Whatmore think it is important to allow their children to become legal and justice deaths.
儿童的犯罪正成为一个严重的社会问题。几乎每个学校都有不同程度的校园暴力事件。犯罪和儿童的家长不相关的吗？当然不是。父母教育子女，除了他们的犯罪行为。为什么父母对儿童负责？首先，他们没有原谅自己的孩子，如果情况不是这样，那么这将是羞耻的整个生命。其次，没有有效的沟通。年轻人必须考虑的第一次进攻。不幸的是，他们的父母不知道。第三，是一种特殊情况，这不是一个好榜样的父母（一个很好的例子） 。赌博，撒谎和使用暴力的解决办法通常是解决这一问题。其子女的责任不仅是营养餐，特摩尔认为重要的是让自己的孩子成为法律和正义的人死亡。