Question

帮忙修改英语作文。。修改的好加分~谢谢

最主要的是看看语法什么的。。有些地方总觉得怪怪的~有什么更好的句子也可以告诉我哈~虽然多了一点点~但还是谢谢帮忙了~

第一篇：Nowadays, a lot of people are more and more inseparable from the network. However, everything has two sides. Although Networks enable so many things have become very convenient, but we still can not forget that it is harmful.
First，let us say something about the advantages of network.
We can use the network to search information and so on. Network can also help us know more knowledge.
Online-shopping is a new and convenient way to buy things so that it is also popular among the young people.
After our nervous study, we can also use the network to relax. The appropriate relaxation may bring about a better state to continue our studies.
The network also has a lot of disadvantages.
For example, some students spending so many time on computer.Not only will harm eyesight, but also affect their study.
On the network, we may also contact with unhealthy messages. Some children may even be misguided.
Spend many time on the network will let us to gradually ignored the value of books.
The network has advantages and disadvantages, we should make good use of network benefits.

第二篇：Nowadays playing computer games is a very common hobbies, especially among the young people .However there are many arguements on whether computer games are good for us .
Most parents and teachers think that playing computer games is a bad thing.
They think it is a waste of time and money.
Playing too many computer games is also bad for children's eyes and health.
And spending too many time to lose self-control ability.
Although many people doubt the advantages of computer games, but if used wisely computer games can actually be used in educational purposes.
For example,Typing games can help us to practice typing and familiar with the keyboard.
Some computer games can improve people's ability of thinking.They can make people think in different ways.
Some computer games can be with our friends or family to play together .It can improve the relationship of family members and allow parents to know more about their children .
If we are rational use computer games, it also can brought us many benefits.

Answer 1

第一篇：Nowadays, a lot of people have been more and more inseparable from the internet. However, everything has two sides. Although the internet enables so many things to become very convenient, we still cannot forget that it is harmful.
First，let us say something about the advantages of the internet.
We can use the internet to do loads of things, to search for information for example. Network can also help us increase our knowledge.
Online-shopping is a new and convenient way to buy things. Therefore it is popular among the young people.
After a brain-wrecking day of school, we can also use the internet to relax. The appropriate relaxation may bring about a better state to carry on with our studies.
The internet also has a lot of disadvantages.
For example, some students spend so much time on the computer, and specifically on the internet. Not only will it harm their eyesight, but it will also affect their studies.
On the internet, we may also receive harmful messages. Some children may even be misguided as a result.
Spending so much time on the internet will lead to the eventual ignorance of the value of books.
The internet has advantages and disadvantages, we should make good use of the benefits, and at the same time keep a close eye on its harmfulness.

第二篇：Nowadays playing computer games is a very common hobby, especially among young people. There are, as a result, many arguements on whether computer games are good for us.
Most parents and teachers think that playing computer games is a bad thing.
They think it is a waste of time and money.
Playing too many computer games is also bad for children's eyes and health.
Spending too much time on it will cause the loss of self-control.
Although many people find computer games harmful, it is indeed a fact that computer games can be used for educational purposes, as long as they are used wisely.
For example,Typing games can help us to practice typing and familiarise ourselves with the keyboard.
Some computer games can improve people's ability of thinking. They can make people think in different ways.
Some computer games can allow interaction between family members and friends . It can improve the relationship between family members and allow parents to know more about their children .
If we are rationalise use computer games, it can indeed bring us many benefits after all.

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These pieces of essays are not bad. But you really have to work on your grammar. Expression is not bad, but there's too much repetition. I didn't edit on expression, so it'll be up to you to work on it. (:

Just realised, don't let your daily casual English usage affect you. Whatever you see online, or the way you speak to friends in English, it affects your writing. Don't make these detrimental to your command of English language. Read more formal writings, like books (go for reliable ones) or news articles on BBC or CNN (maybe even Yahoo English news or Singapore's Channel NewsAsia). They really help you a lot.

Answer 2

. ...because it's interesting(音乐不可数）...but Linda disagrees（第三人称）...i also like light music（轻音乐）...
7....Beijing will be holding the 2008 Olympic Games（将来进行时。最好不要用：the 2008 Olympic Games will be being held in Beijing)... Also, I’d like to go somewhere(go somewhere) fascinating...
And I want to go shopping(go shopping)..I think if I can go to Beijing, I will have a great time(你完全可以去北京，没必要用虚拟语气）....
8. ...So every Chinese wants（ every要用单数）to do something for the Games...Maybe（不是May be） that could cheer them up
10....But do you know that（宾语从句） the first ball-point pen was invented by an American tanner named John Loud...And it helps write faster and it makes life easier. But it also has many disadvantages, for example, it needs refilling and sometimes leaks（最好用现在时）...the ball-point pen has become smaller and lighter now（最好用完成时）.