请雅思高手帮我改下我的作文，谢谢
Q:Trafficandhousingproblemsinmajorcitieswouldbesolvedbymovingbigcompanies,factoriesan...
Q:Traffic and housing problems in major cities would be solved by moving big companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. Do you agree or disagree?
In modern society, with the development of economy in majoy cities. More and more companies and factories invest in these developed cities. They set up their business by compete landscapes in cities and establish buildings or factories in order to creat profit. However, large amounts of buildings and employees lead numbers of people in cities increase. They could be raise the problems of traffic and housing. I am in favor of the point that moving big companies, factories and their employees to countryside.
As we all know, when there was no big companies and factories, city must be peace and people could not upset by traffic. Now, with the increased amounts of unlocaled employees in those companies, everytime go for work in morning and go home in the evening there must have traffic problems. Moreover, companies and factories make up landscapes to build building so that local residents could not buy flat to live,. On the one hand, countrysides have more landscapes for big companies to build buildings and there are much less people than cities. Employees live there can ease traffic problem in cities that will no longer affect cities, In anothes words, big companies ande factories to countrysides can boost local economy which inprove local people’s lives.
On the other hand, provided that countrysides advanced by big companies, it maybe creat the same problems as cities in the end. But these phenomenon will not occur in short time. Moving to countries just a shory-time method for the sake of traffic and housing problems in cities.
In all, although big companies move to countryside cannot solve essencial problems, it can improve the bad situations in cities in degree. I think government can take good measures in future.
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请问这篇作文能打多少分，我是考雅思作文的 250词。哪里需要改进的指点下好吗？ 展开
In modern society, with the development of economy in majoy cities. More and more companies and factories invest in these developed cities. They set up their business by compete landscapes in cities and establish buildings or factories in order to creat profit. However, large amounts of buildings and employees lead numbers of people in cities increase. They could be raise the problems of traffic and housing. I am in favor of the point that moving big companies, factories and their employees to countryside.
As we all know, when there was no big companies and factories, city must be peace and people could not upset by traffic. Now, with the increased amounts of unlocaled employees in those companies, everytime go for work in morning and go home in the evening there must have traffic problems. Moreover, companies and factories make up landscapes to build building so that local residents could not buy flat to live,. On the one hand, countrysides have more landscapes for big companies to build buildings and there are much less people than cities. Employees live there can ease traffic problem in cities that will no longer affect cities, In anothes words, big companies ande factories to countrysides can boost local economy which inprove local people’s lives.
On the other hand, provided that countrysides advanced by big companies, it maybe creat the same problems as cities in the end. But these phenomenon will not occur in short time. Moving to countries just a shory-time method for the sake of traffic and housing problems in cities.
In all, although big companies move to countryside cannot solve essencial problems, it can improve the bad situations in cities in degree. I think government can take good measures in future.
#
请问这篇作文能打多少分，我是考雅思作文的 250词。哪里需要改进的指点下好吗？ 展开
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