Question

英语小笑话带翻译

短的！翻译的！搞笑的！

Answer 1

1.One day a visitor from the city came to a smallrural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, andperhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer inhis yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig couldeat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I seethat your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?"The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"
一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"

2.The Looney Bin
Late one night atthe insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmatesaid, "God told me!"
Just then, a voicefrom another room shouted, "I did not!"
疯人院
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说：“我是拿破仑！”另一个说：“你怎么知道？”第一个人说：“上帝对我说的！”一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来：“我没说！”

3.Boxing and Running
Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, heleft his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy tofight."
Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someonemuch bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box."
Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."
拳击和赛跑
丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。”
朋友：“如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办？”
丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。”

4.The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of hisinmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners hadfamily members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in hiscell.
So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to hisoffice and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George."Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t youhave any friends or family?"
George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s justthat they’re all in here!"

典狱长对狱中一位囚犯深感同情，因为每逢周末的探访日，大多数囚犯都有家人或朋友来访，但是可怜的乔治总是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。
因此在一个探访日，典狱长把乔治叫到办公室说：“乔治，我注意到从来没有人来探望过你。”他满怀同情地把手放在乔治的肩膀上：“告诉我，你没有任何朋友或家人吗？”
乔治回答：“喔！当然有，典狱长，只不过他们全都在这里面！”

5.Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when youwere robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found myfour gold teeth. That would be much worse.
警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。

6.A shoplifter（商店扒手）51kxh.cn |wascaught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store."Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want anytrouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget aboutthis?"
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. Thecrook（骗子，坏蛋） looked at the slip and said, "This isa little more than I intended to spend."
一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样？”
经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。"

7.The little girl did not like the look of the barkingdog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman,"don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don'tbite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "Iknow the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”

8.Class and AssProfessor Laurie of Glasgow put thisnotice on his door：“Professor Laurie will not meet his classestoday．” A student，after reading thenotice，rubbed out the“c”． Later Professor Laurie came along，and entering into the spirit of the joke，rubbed out the“l”．
格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知：“劳里教授今天不会他的班。”一个学生读了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”。后来劳里教授来了，也想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”。

9.The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled（被宠坏的） . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him.He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threwa temper tantrum（乱发脾气） . Then came his first day of school, hisfirst day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him atthe door.
Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along allright? did you cry? 51kxh.cn
Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacherdid!
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。
约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？
哭？约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。

Answer 2

英语笑话故事

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的
一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能详的喔!

Answer 3

A husband and his wife were sound asleep when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? How the heck do I know? What do I look like, a weatherman?" He then slammed the phone down and settled into bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"I don't know. It was some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."

丈夫和妻子睡得正香，电话响了。
丈夫拿起电话说：“你好。我怎么知道！难道我象个天气预报员吗？！”他扔掉电话又躲进被窝。
“谁呀？”妻子问。
“不知道，有个人向我打听海滨地区是否晴天。”

Answer 4

A husband and his wife were sound asleep when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? How the heck do I know? What do I look like, a weatherman?" He then slammed the phone down and settled into bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"I don't know. It was some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."

丈夫和妻子睡得正香，电话响了。
丈夫拿起电话说：“你好。我怎么知道！难道我象个天气预报员吗？！”他扔掉电话又躲进被窝。
“谁呀？”妻子问。
“不知道，有个人向我打听海滨地区是否晴天。”

Answer 5

One car come
One car go
Two car peng peng
One man die
一辆车来 一辆车去 两辆车相撞 一个男人死掉了~~~
冷笑话~~~