Question

高手帮忙看看这篇雅思作文 然后给个成绩 谢谢

As technology develops,more shopping and business is done through the Internet while communication face to face becomes less frequent.Is this a positive or a negative development?

Trading on the Internet ,which was a controversial issue during the past years ,has ben becoming more and more popular aming ordinary people.But sometimes it is still considered unbelievable.As a user of online shopping,I hold the perspective that the effect it leads us is advantageous.

So convenient as shopping on the Internet is,consumers need not to take a taxi,to be tired of walking,or to tolerate burning hot or cold.All can be done just by controling the mouse and keyboard,then what we need to do is sitting ,and maybe enjoy a cup of coffee.3 or 4 days later,the reserved objects will be sent outside the door.Up to now,an online shopping has been finished.

Compared with the goods in shops,those shown on the Internet are always cheaper,for the simple reason that the cost of conveying is saved if we purchase something directly from the wholesaler.Another merit is that we have much more choices when scaning the goods on websites,as a result of which it is more propable to find what we are keen on.

Some people worry about the quanlity of commodities as well as being cheated.These two are the most vital problems indeed.As a matter of fact that these cases happened occasionally,our government,however,plays a superior role as a superviser,and the happening rate of such things has been decreasing.Our online shopping will be safer and more reliable.

To sum up,shpping through the Internet is a trend,and an rising number of people will accept this form in the near future.

Answer 1

绝对的4分模板。语法错误实在太多了，可以看出来套用了雅思写作的模板，但是你在使用模板的时候完全以中式的思维结构去构造文章，结果就是牛头不对马嘴。这道题目是科技题，网购与现实购物的利弊。最近这几个月科技题都是很多雅思老师重押的对象。同学，注意一下雅思写作首先要把句子使用通顺了，才考虑增色，用复合句型。如这句转折过渡句型：
But sometimes it is still considered unbelievable
出现低级语法错误了吧，应该是it is still considered unbelievably.
副词修饰动词，这样一个简单的语法就暴露出你基础不扎实的缺点了。
As a user of online shopping 不定冠词 要改成an
是 as an user of online shopping,但事实上这样写太繁杂，
直接As an online shopping user就行啦
To sum up,shpping through the Internet is a trend,and an rising number of people will accept this form in the near future.
最后的summary，好像意思都出来了，但事实上chinglish的味道相当重。
综上所述，网上购物是一种趋势，有越来越多的人会在不远的将来接受这种形式。天，完全就是把中文意思强行翻译过来的。错误太多，无法改，所以，重写一次吧。
（语气如果有点凶请原谅，职业病~呵呵）

Answer 2

第一段communication应改为communicating吧
第二段trading直接用trade就行啊，有名词性质啊，后面的has ben becoming是打错了吧

Answer 3

恩，不错写得
就是没看懂