Question

请高手帮改托福作文，我就剩20分了

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing sports teaches people more about the life.

以下作文：

Nowadays, playing sports has gradually becoming an indispensable part in modern people's life. No matter how important staying at home to study for several hours is, most people tend to do exercise for a few hours for rest per day. However, some psychologists pointed out that doing sports can also be an effecient way of study, which challenges people's traditional view about the function of exercising. For me, I totally agree with those psychologists. I believe that playing sports can even teach people more about life than indoor classes.

First of all, I think that almost all kinds of sports require us to be patient, and, for most people, patience might be considered as the most important characristic of an individual. I cannot find any sorts of sport that does not need our patient. Take playing table tennis as an example. It must be very hard to get adept at it, for it takes me more than three months to learn. If I am lack of patient, I would never have a good command of that tiny ping-pong ball . And, besides table tennis, other kinds of sports also require patience, such as basketball, badminton, baseball, and so on so forth. That's a very essential lesson that a specific sort of physical exercises teaches us.

Another thing that playing sports can tell us is to be persistent. Most people will agree with the following statement: persistence plays a desicive role in a person's success. Maybe you cannot get how playing outdoor activities teaches us this. Let's look at this very easy outdoor activity: running. Running is so easy that there is no difficult for a normal individual to play. However, we do not see someone persist to run for years, or even for months very often. So, running is a sport that requires our persistence. I bet if a man can run every day for a year or more than a year, he will be success in any field he is interested.

And what is more, through playing sports, we can also learn how to get adept with a totally new thing quickly. By waving your rockets, you can experience the real progress you are making. This skill will also benefit your life accordingly in many ways. For instance, Nicholas Lee, one of the most successful entrepreners in China, is also good at playing badminton. We cannot say that playing badminton well has nothing to do with his success in business.

All in all, playing sports does give us more than we learn at class. Lessons about life can not be taught in classrooms. We can just learn them through practice. Thus I believe playing sports benefits us more in our life.

Answer 1

（有些小细节改动需要仔细看）
Nowadays, playing sports has been an indispensable part in modern people's life. No matter how necessary working at home is, most people tend to do exercise for a few hours per day. As some psychologists have pointed out, doing sports can be an efficient way of study because it challenges people's traditional view about the function of exercise. For me, I totally agree with these psychologists. I believe that playing sports can teach people more about life than indoor classes.

First of all, I think that almost all kinds of sports require us to be patient, and, for most people, patience might be considered as the most important personal quality. Take playing table tennis as an example. It is very hard to learn it well, for it took me more than three months to be adept at it. If I hadn’t been patient(对过去虚拟), I would never have had a good command of that tiny ping-pong ball. Apart from table tennis, other sports also require patience, such as basketball, badminton, baseball, and so on and so forth. W hen doing these sports, we are taught to develop good habits and keep a good mind. That's a very essential lesson that a specific sort of physical exercise can teaches us.

The second thing that playing sports can tell us is to be persistent. Most people will agree with the following statement: persistence plays a critical role in a person's success. Maybe it’s not easy to understand how playing outdoor activities teaches us this. Let's look at this easy outdoor activity: running. Running is so easy that there is no difficulty for any ordinary people. However, we rarely see someone persist in it for months or even for years. Therefore, running is a sport requiring our persistence. I bet if a man can run every day and keep on it for a year or more, he will stand much closer to success in any fields he is interested than others.

What is more, by playing sports, we can also learn how to be master of a totally new thing quickly. By waving your rockets, you can experience the real progress you are making. This skill will accordingly benefit our life in many ways. For instance, Nicholas Lee, one of the most successful entrepreneurs in China, is also a good badminton player. We cannot be sure how important role sports have played in his success. However, what we cannot deny is that playing badminton well has something to do with his success in business.

All in all, playing sports does give us more than what we learn at class. Not all lessons about life can be taught in classrooms. Most knowledge about life can just be learned through practice by ourselves. Thus I believe playing sports benefits us more in our life.