Question

雅思作文求修改 求评分

题目：More and more people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on fast food. Do you agree or disagree?
文章：
it is believed that there is an inevitable trend that people,ranging from wealthy to the poor,are more likely to suffer from health issues on account of too much intake of fast food.considering the severity of health matters,actions need to be taken to solve the problems.

imposing a higher tax by government can be effective to some extent.people might less depend on the fast food in terms of higher price cause it can be out of affordability.imaginably,there will be decreasing number of people who would like to buy fast food and its popularity is supposed to reduce as well.and the ultimate outcome will be the generally wane of fast food industries.at this point,the effects seem to be sensible in the long run.

while the advantages of imposing a higher tax can be not denied,i believe its flaws far outweigh benefits.in many cases,due to fierce competition and ever-accelerating modern life,a great many people have no alternative but resorts to fast food.so raising the price of fast food results in nothing but increasing the burdens of individuals.besides,owing to the prosperity of economy and the betterment of people's standard of living,their is one possibility that people keep on buying fast food so the higher price will not make any sense.

therefor,judging from these potential consequences, we need to come up with some other solutions to tackle from the root of problems.for instance,people need to be instilled with knowledge about wholesome dietary habits.all in all,there is a wide range of solutions can be advantageous.

Answer 1

文章写得很不错，除了一些小错误。

it is believed that there is an inevitable trend that people,ranging from (加the) wealthy to the poor,are more likely to suffer from health issues on account of too much intake of fast food.considering the severity of health matters,actions need to be taken to solve the problems.

imposing a higher tax by government can be effective to some extent.people might less depend(less和depend的位置调转) on the fast food in terms of higher price cause(改because） it can be out of affordability.imaginably,there will be （加a）decreasing number of people who would like to buy fast food and its popularity is supposed to reduce as well.and the ultimate outcome will be the generally wane of fast food industries.at this point,the effects seem to be sensible in the long run.

while the advantages of imposing a higher tax can be not denied,i believe its flaws far outweigh benefits.in many cases,due to fierce competition and ever-accelerating modern life,a great many people have no alternative but resorts(resorts改成 to resort） to fast food.so raising the price of fast food results in nothing but increasing the burdens of individuals.besides,owing to the prosperity of economy and the betterment of people's standard of living,their is one possibility that people keep on buying fast food so the higher price will not make any sense.

therefor,judging from these potential consequences, we need to come up with some other solutions to tackle from（去掉from） the root of problems.for instance,people need to be instilled with knowledge about wholesome dietary habits.all in all,there is（改are） a wide range of solutions (加which）can be advantageous.