求大神批改雅思9 test1 大作文，谢谢
Some opponents may argue that children at primary school are too young to learn a foreign language because they need more time to enjoy their childhood with friends. It will also put children under pressure because language learning usually is complexing for them.
However, learning a foreign language will be more effective and easier for children at their early ages in facts. According to relative researches, the foreign language learning capacity will be more eminent when children haven’t been completely familiar with their mother togue. As long as they get used to the grammars and expressions of native languages, it will be comparatively harder to accept a new language system for them. Therefore, primary school pupils may spend less time and need fewer efforts to digest the knowledge than secondary school pupils. It has positive effects on their motivation of learning when they find that making progress is easier than peers.
Additionally, the students learning a foreign language will be more competitive in the future. Languages are usually a symbol of the culture of countries. When children learn a foreign language, they will get to know the knowledge of other countries' cultures. It can help them to become a more international person. Meanwhile, language study in primary school will build students a grammar foundation that affects their future learning affirmatively.
In conclusion, the advantages of foreign language learning in primary school rather than secondary school outweigh its disadvantages. The earlier children learn it, the more probability of commanding it they will have. Although it will be painstaking for children to spend their free time on language study, they will be a benefit for a lifetime. 展开
第一段第四行中than后面宜加介词at或者in，因为这儿是＂对于孩子们来说在小学比在中学学一门外语要好一些。＂
建议第二段最后一句话前加上Besides，使其和前一句接得紧凑一些。
第三段第六行中tongue 一词拼错。As long as 改为Once （一旦）。第七行grammar 作语法讲时是不可数名词，应该去掉s。native languages前加their或者the。
时间关系，仅提以上几点不成熟的意见，抱歉！
关于逻辑，段落结构方面有没有什么建议呢，谢谢
1. 第二行pupils使用不当，它一般指小学生等年龄较小的学生，由于其也涵盖后面提到的中学生，应改成students.
2. 第四行than后的a应改成at，以便与前面的at primary school相一致。
3. 第五行for children省略掉，非要用的话，也应该改成for students才更好。
4. 第六行drawbacks与前面的benifits并不对等，应改成damages.
5. 第十行It will also…这一句仍然是前面argue的内容(宾语从句)，故It前的句号应去掉，并把It改成and that.
6. 第十一行usually is改成is usually；十二行complexing使用不当，应改成(very) complicated.建议弄清楚complicated与complex的区别。
7. 第二段头一句写成However, it is normally more effective and easier for children at early age to learn a foreign language.会更好，这种是客观规律的事情不宜使用将来时态will be表示。
8. 第四行capacity应改成ability或capability.这里强调的是能力而非容量。
9. 第六行as long as使用不当，这一短语在原文这种情形下作“只要…”解时，后面接肯定性表述构成“只要…就能…”，不接否定性表述构成“只要…就不能…”！
10.第十行pupils改成students; may改成will have to.
11. Additionally,…这一句要表达什么意思不清楚。在讨论两种方法（始于小学和始于中学）的时候，这句话需要更明确具体。
12. 下一句中culture要改成复数形式，因为不同国家的文明一般是有差异的。也许改成 A nation's language is a symbol of the culture of the country.会更好。
13. 下一句中they will get to know应改成they get to know.下一句It can中的can也是一样，去掉更好。
14. 倒数第二行language改成foreign language；最后一行they改成it，或者将they will be a benifit改成they will benifit from it.
建议题主注意在需要表达汉语“将/会/能”这类概念时，并不是用一般将来时will do就好，很多涉及使用一般现在时才好。
