雅思大作文。在线等。求批改。谢谢谢谢谢~
Whetherdoingsuccessfullyineconomichasadirectrelationshipwithpersonalhappinessisaheate...
Whether doing successfully in economic has a direct relationship with personal happiness is a heated discussion at present. It seems that he or she cannot feel happy without having a host of money, therefore the only way to become felicitous is tracing for fortune.
Some people believe that economic is the cornerstone of being happiness. After being wealthy, obviously, you can do plenty of things which you want to do. Apart from tackling the high expenditure of daily life, you will still have money to use freely. In other words, money can buy almost all the things they want. Moreover, the best education and social welfare will be accessible. To be exact,you can get a great circumstance to be better. Last but not least, money is a more effective way to judge the extent of success of a person. There is no doubt that people want to earn more money to prove his or her ability.
On the other hand, there are also some people suppose that being happiness relies on other different factors. First of all, numerous researches show that there are vary kinds of things boost the feeling of success, including marriage, health, working environment and income. It is easy to realize that the source of happiness is not only money, but also the positive related things. What is more, many people living in poor still have a happy life because they are pretty optimistic. However, money cannot buy everything, such as friendship, true love, health and time.
Based on all the arguments offered above, I, definitely, agree with the latter one that tells us happiness stems from various things. To be economic success, certainly, is a way to be happy, but not the only way.
题目：Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other different factors. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. 展开
Some people believe that economic is the cornerstone of being happiness. After being wealthy, obviously, you can do plenty of things which you want to do. Apart from tackling the high expenditure of daily life, you will still have money to use freely. In other words, money can buy almost all the things they want. Moreover, the best education and social welfare will be accessible. To be exact,you can get a great circumstance to be better. Last but not least, money is a more effective way to judge the extent of success of a person. There is no doubt that people want to earn more money to prove his or her ability.
On the other hand, there are also some people suppose that being happiness relies on other different factors. First of all, numerous researches show that there are vary kinds of things boost the feeling of success, including marriage, health, working environment and income. It is easy to realize that the source of happiness is not only money, but also the positive related things. What is more, many people living in poor still have a happy life because they are pretty optimistic. However, money cannot buy everything, such as friendship, true love, health and time.
Based on all the arguments offered above, I, definitely, agree with the latter one that tells us happiness stems from various things. To be economic success, certainly, is a way to be happy, but not the only way.
题目：Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other different factors. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. 展开
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Whether doing successfully in economic has a direct
relationship with personal happiness is a heated discussion at present. It
seems that he or she cannot feel happy without having a host of ①money, therefore
the only way to become felicitous is tracing for fortune.②
1.a host of 用于修饰可数名词，可以改为plenty of
2. trace 表示追踪时，直接接名词，等同于track down. 但是你这里要表达的是追求财富，所以应该是说seek the wealth.
Some people believe that economic ③is the cornerstone of being happiness④. After being wealthy, obviously, you can do plenty of⑤ things which you want to do. Apart from tackling
the high expenditure of daily life,⑥ you will still have money to use freely.
In other words, money can buy almost all the things they want.⑦ Moreover, the best education and social welfare will be accessible. To be exact,you can get a great circumstance to be better. Last but not least, money is a more effective way to judge the extent of
success of a⑧ person. There is no doubt that people want to earn more money to prove his or her ability.
3.economic为形容词，此处应该为economy
4.happiness应改为happy
5. 因为上面已经使用了plenty of,为避免重复，改为: numerous或者lots of之类的。
6.tackle后面主要接问题problem表示解决问题，接someone表示袭击某人。这里用paying就可以了。
7. 前面一直用you指代，这里也应该用回you, 改为：everything youwant.
8.a这里改为one比较好。
9．有点怪,没有比较，我觉得不要用more比较好，改为people want toprove their ability through earning much money.
On the other hand, there are also some people suppose
that being happiness⑩relies on other different factors. First of all, numerous researches show that there are vary kinds of things boost the feeling of success11, including marriage, health, working environment 12and income. It is easy to realize that the source of happiness is not only money,but also the13 positive related things. What is more, many people living in poor14 still have a happy life because they are pretty optimistic. However, money cannot buy everything, such as friendship, true love, health and time.
10，应该为happy
11.改为there are kinds ofthings which can boost the feeling of our success.
12. 应为work environment,跟工作经验是一样的，work experience.
13.去掉the,表示泛指
14. 可以改为struggling withpoverty
作文框架感觉有点乱了，遇到这种讨论两方观点并给出自己观点的题目一般是分为四段（五段容易出现一边倒的状况）
第一段：点题。四句即可：·1介绍社会背景，2交代话题。3转述原题观点。4陈述自己观点（可省略）
第二段：陈述自己倾向的那一方论点。五句：1概括本段观点。2.这种观点的分论点（即本观点的理由一）3.解释支持分论点（使用复杂句）4.分论点二 5. 解释支持分论点二。
第三段：让步段,陈述自己不太倾向的那一方论点。五句：1 概括本段论点。 2 分论点一 3. 解释支持分论点一 4. 提出你不太 倾向这种观点存在什么不妥的地方（最好是反驳本段第二句的理由） 5. 解释支持第四句。
第四段：结尾段。1概括在让步段中自己不太倾向的那个观点（可省略）2.重申自己更倾向的那一方观点。 3 提出我们/政府/媒体/家长应该如何做的建议，表明自己确实是关注辩论话题的。
我也不知道我的对不对，我上次裸考总分也就6.5，写作也才6分。我下个月初也要考了，有点怕，唉。
relationship with personal happiness is a heated discussion at present. It
seems that he or she cannot feel happy without having a host of ①money, therefore
the only way to become felicitous is tracing for fortune.②
1.a host of 用于修饰可数名词，可以改为plenty of
2. trace 表示追踪时，直接接名词，等同于track down. 但是你这里要表达的是追求财富，所以应该是说seek the wealth.
Some people believe that economic ③is the cornerstone of being happiness④. After being wealthy, obviously, you can do plenty of⑤ things which you want to do. Apart from tackling
the high expenditure of daily life,⑥ you will still have money to use freely.
In other words, money can buy almost all the things they want.⑦ Moreover, the best education and social welfare will be accessible. To be exact,you can get a great circumstance to be better. Last but not least, money is a more effective way to judge the extent of
success of a⑧ person. There is no doubt that people want to earn more money to prove his or her ability.
3.economic为形容词，此处应该为economy
4.happiness应改为happy
5. 因为上面已经使用了plenty of,为避免重复，改为: numerous或者lots of之类的。
6.tackle后面主要接问题problem表示解决问题，接someone表示袭击某人。这里用paying就可以了。
7. 前面一直用you指代，这里也应该用回you, 改为：everything youwant.
8.a这里改为one比较好。
9．有点怪,没有比较，我觉得不要用more比较好，改为people want toprove their ability through earning much money.
On the other hand, there are also some people suppose
that being happiness⑩relies on other different factors. First of all, numerous researches show that there are vary kinds of things boost the feeling of success11, including marriage, health, working environment 12and income. It is easy to realize that the source of happiness is not only money,but also the13 positive related things. What is more, many people living in poor14 still have a happy life because they are pretty optimistic. However, money cannot buy everything, such as friendship, true love, health and time.
10，应该为happy
11.改为there are kinds ofthings which can boost the feeling of our success.
12. 应为work environment,跟工作经验是一样的，work experience.
13.去掉the,表示泛指
14. 可以改为struggling withpoverty
作文框架感觉有点乱了，遇到这种讨论两方观点并给出自己观点的题目一般是分为四段（五段容易出现一边倒的状况）
第一段：点题。四句即可：·1介绍社会背景，2交代话题。3转述原题观点。4陈述自己观点（可省略）
第二段：陈述自己倾向的那一方论点。五句：1概括本段观点。2.这种观点的分论点（即本观点的理由一）3.解释支持分论点（使用复杂句）4.分论点二 5. 解释支持分论点二。
第三段：让步段,陈述自己不太倾向的那一方论点。五句：1 概括本段论点。 2 分论点一 3. 解释支持分论点一 4. 提出你不太 倾向这种观点存在什么不妥的地方（最好是反驳本段第二句的理由） 5. 解释支持第四句。
第四段：结尾段。1概括在让步段中自己不太倾向的那个观点（可省略）2.重申自己更倾向的那一方观点。 3 提出我们/政府/媒体/家长应该如何做的建议，表明自己确实是关注辩论话题的。
我也不知道我的对不对，我上次裸考总分也就6.5，写作也才6分。我下个月初也要考了，有点怕，唉。
参考资料： 十天突破雅思写作
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