Question

谁帮我修改一下这篇小作文啊？

This process diagram briefly shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology gathers up-to-minute imformation on the weather in order to make weather forecast to the public.
According to the diagram ,ways to finish the first step “imcoming information”are by outer space satellite,using radar on land and by drifting buoy on the water.Secondly,experts works there analysis and forecasting them base on photos taken by satellite or study them on radar screen.They can also consider the imformation provided by synoptic chart produced by drifting buoys to make the broadcast more convincing. Next,in the third stage,they will make use of the computer to make the broadcast be prepared for the fourth stage.Finally,the weather data will be sent to the public by TV, radio program or straightly by calling them.
Overall,this process diagram clearly shows how the weather imformation is collected,studied,prepared and broadcast in the end.

Answer 1

"1 This process diagram briefly shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology gathers up-to-minute imformation on the weather in order to make weather forecast to the public.
要把流程分几步交代清楚，可选用下面的句式：the whole procedure can be divided into __ stages
2 According to the diagram ,ways to finish the first step “imcoming information”are by outer space satellite,using radar on land and by drifting buoy on the water.
意思表达含混，改成：the first stage is incoming information. It means that data are collected from outer space, on land and at sea, using satellites, radar and drifting buoy.
3 Secondly,experts works there analysis/analyze and forecasting /forecast them base/based on photos taken by satellite or study them on radar screen.They can also consider the imformation provided by synoptic chart produced by drifting buoys to make the broadcast more convincing.
不凝练，改成experts there determine the weather conditions by analyzing photos taken by satellite or study them on radar screen. synoptic chart produced by drifting buoys
Next,in the third stage,they will make use of the computer to make the broadcast be prepared for the fourth stage.
改成：in the third stage, computes will be used
To get weather information prepared for broadcase
Finally,the weather data will be sent to the public by TV, radio program or straightly by calling them.
思路比较清楚 但是
不够凝练，流程贵在主次分明，这样才能体现分析，切忌均等表达
有的表达不够专业，到我博客上下载一下专业词汇"