Question

想请英语高人帮忙修改一下这个英文自我介绍

考研复试用的~
本人英语基础不好，特别是语法部分，英文自我介绍虽有很多模板参考，但自己填完还是觉得有不少地方怪别扭的
求修改，不胜感激！
因为有的部分是模板，所以我只把自己觉得别扭的地方点列下来。。。

1.I have already passed CET-6 in July 2010.In the past half year I have been preparing for the postgraduate examination by rent a room which near an university. Actually this is my second time to take part in the exam for the dream of Suzhou University.

2.Life is precious. It is necessary to seize any chance for self-development, especially when you realize what is your really like.

3.as an old saying goes, actions speak louder than words. Right here, I only want to say I am open-minded and very fond of Psychology.

4.I like reading books, especially those about literature and geography. Of course, besides psychology.
In addition, during my college years, I had been three consecutive years of table tennis champion of our college. The process of competition make me have a better mentality when I face difficultes and pressure,moreover,the process of training make me more persevering when I determined to do something.

5.I will spare no effort to master a good command of advance
Applied Psychology.

非常感谢！
还可以多加分的！

Answer 1

1 第一句 realize what is your really like .的is 是多余的，应该改为：realize what you really like .
2 在你的一整篇自我介绍中，人称要一致，你有时候用I ，有时候用you，这就是不一致了，我认为应该把所有的you改为I，这样就可以了。
3 the process of competition make me have a better mentality.的make 应该改为made.这是整篇文章的时态一致。因为你前面用了during my college years n i had been three consecutive years of ....... 同样的后面的the process of training make me 也要改成made me .
按照人称一致，谓语动词时态一致，还有语句简洁意思清晰这三个方面你自己再看看有什么要改的，在写简历时，能6个词写清楚的话不要用7个词，这样人力资源部的人员有觉得你没有极可能地清楚表达从而让他们用更多的时间来阅读你的简历，对你是不利的。开门见山把自己的特点写出来，是个很好的办法。

追问

我是用来考研面试的。。。
希望还有些更详细的修改哦，我觉得第一段话后面两句的结构有点小问题，可又不知道怎么改。。。

Answer 2

1.I have already passed CET-6 in July 2010.Since I decided to pursue my further study in the past half year, I had been preparing for the postgraduate examination by renting a room near your university. Actually this is my second time to take part in the exam for my big dream of Suzhou University.

2.In my opinion,Life is a mixture of challenge and opportunity.So,I think, It is necessary for me to seize any chance for my self-development, especially when I know what is I really want.

3.when it comes to my personality, Right here, I ‘d like to cite my friends’ evaluation for me.in their eyes,I am open-minded ,friendly and always ready to hely others in need .moreover, I am an crazy enthusiast for Psychology.So,sometimes ,they think it is interesting and informative to chat Psychology issures with me!

4.I like reading books, especially those about literature and geography. Of course, psychology is inclusive.
In addition, during my college years, I had been three consecutive years of table tennis champion of our college. The process of competition makes me cultivate a better mentality when I face difficultes and pressure,moreover,the process of training makes me become more persevering than ever before when I have a fixed goal in my mind.

5.I will spare no efforts to master a good command of advance
Applied Psychology.